In midnights and Cups of coffee
by LadyHelenaGray
Summary: Mark moves to a new school where he is deemed an outcast. He is heart broken and feels utterly alone. Until he ends up in a play with fellow outcast Roger. The two share a deep friendship, but what happens when it turns into something more?
1. I don't want to go to school today

**In Midnights and Cups of coffee**

**Author's notes**: So I'll be the first to say it, this chapter isn't that exciting, but it will get a lot better. Hope you like it, next chapter will be coming soon. This is from Mark's POV for now. I might switch it to Roger's at one point… I'm not sure yet. I wrote this a bit fast, if there are typos I'm very sorry.

I was sick, or at least I hoped I was, anything to keep me from getting up. There was a knot in my stomach that wouldn't seem to settle down. With some effort I opened my eyes and tried to make out all the shapes and shadows of my room as the early morning light started to creep in. I still wasn't use to my new room yet, though I guess it didn't look all that different then my old one. I suppose that once I get around to putting all my poster up it will look the same. But it was lacking in memories. In my old room I couldn't turn my head without thinking 'hey, that's where I sat when I read my favorite book,' or 'That's where I was when I wrote my first script'. This room was I blank slate; I had only been here for less then a week.

I reached out my hand and felt around the top on my bed side until I found my glasses. Putting them on I tried to sit up but failed horribly. Instead I just came crashing back on down to my bed. The knot was getting worst. No, that was it; I'm not getting up today. At that thought I could almost hear my mother screeching at me to get up. Not wanting to fight today I hulled myself up.

With every movement the knot seemed to get worst. I tried to tell myself that it was only nerves, and that they would soon go away. They didn't. I should be excited after all today was the first day school, or should I say the first day of my senior year. But no, instead I felt like I was going to puke. Last week I and my mother moved to Scarswick, a city about an hour drive away from my home town Scarsdale. But right now, no pun intended, I felt that I had been scared for life.

As I finally pick out the sweater I was going to wear, a brown one with a white strip across the chest. I tried to remember the little history I had with this place. I had some aunts and uncles down here that I visited every once in a while. I met my first girlfriend here. My heart sunk, I'd almost forgotten about Maureen. She was girlfriend, now my ex, I loved with all my heart. I remember I would drive up almost every weekend to see her. I was so happy a few months ago when I found out that we were moving. That I could see her everyday. But of course with my luck, she broke up with me about a week after that. All she said was that she found someone else and that we were over. I still don't think I'm over her. I now I'm stuck in a city where she is the only person I know.

In time I ran out of ways to stall me getting ready, and went down stairs for breakfast. I noticed mother had already left for work. I was alone. I made waffles and ate the silently, then packed my book bag as slowly as I could. I got my camera and after a short look in the mirror, headed out the door.

"September 7th, 8 a.m. eastern standard time…"

All around me there was nothing but people hugging and greeting each other asking how their summer had been. No one said two words to me. Whether this was a good or bad thing, I wasn't sure yet. "Scarswick High School" Was printed in huge letters above the front door. I entered them and looked around hopelessly. It was big, and every hallway seemed to be choked with people. I made my way to the office, where I was informed to go to A-108, now if I only knew where that was.

I found it about five minute after the bell rang. After being scolded by my homeroom teacher I took my seat by the door, alone again. I didn't really know what to expect from this school, but I had my camera at the ready to catch it all if need be.

"Hey, Jill did you hear?" I heard a girl a few desks over to my right say. I turned my camera to her. "The new Drama teacher Miss Angel is a drag queen!"

"No!"

"Yes, I don't know why they would let anyone like that teach, is degusting. We shouldn't have people like that in a school."

"Hey, Freak!" Jill caught sight of me. "Stop filming us! Weirdo!" I put the camera down.

"Who's that loser?"

"I don't know, same new kid."

The rest of my day went on the same way. I felt like everyone was looking at me. And thats all they'd do, stair and whisper but said nothing to me. For a big school all the grads seemed to know each other. I didn't like these people, I decided that already. I did like my classes though. Media studies, first thing, a class where I could watch and make films. Journalism, more reason for me to use my camera. Art, a secret hobby of mind. And the not so interesting English and History after lunch.

Lunch. I hate lunch, or at least now I do. The cafeteria was hell. Everyone had a group, there own little group, but me. There I stood my tray in one hand my camera in the other.

"Whatcha filmin'!" A hulk of a man came crashing into me knocking both things out of my hands. My food was mess on the floor, but my camera was being held by the big moose. And he had friends, all baring football team jackets. Oh, joy, the jocks. "I knew there was a new child, be I didn't think he was a scrawny little rat like you."

"Nice one, Jim" Snickered one of his friends as Jim tossed my camera to him.

"Give that back!"

"Oh, do you want back?" He whipped it at me, hitting me square in the chest. I fell, they laughed and walked away. Everyone was looking at me again.

I examined my camera all of English to make sure it was okay. It was fine, I wasn't, it left quiet a large red mark. At the bell I run out, wanting not to be late for the sixth time today. Sadly for the sixth time today I had no clue where I was going. I thought I knew where I was when I saw Jim and his gorilla gang coming up the hall towards me. I, without thinking, started to run the other way. Looking for my class and trying to get away from them, I was going faster then I should have. I looked behind me as I turned a corner and _Smack!_ I banged into someone. I fell backwards as both of our books littered the floor.

"Hey! Watch it!" Cried a deep male voice. It was the first thing anyone had said to me all day. I looked up and beheld the figure standing over me. He was tall, or at least taller then I was, and with bigger shoulders. He was wearing black jeans, and a grey shirt under a thick leather jacket. His hair was light brown, a sort of taffy color that went down to his shoulders. "What's wrong with you!" He bent down to pick up his books.

"Sorry! I'm so sorry-"

"Yeah, whatever." Once we had our stuff I got to my feet, he turned and started to walk away. I looked down at my time table and noticed that it was not the same. Where it should have said Mark Cohen, it read Roger Davis.

"Wait!"


	2. High School Hell

**Author's Note:** Hey, I really hope you like this chapter it's a little better then the first one. More will be coming soon. Also (I didn't have room to say this in the summery) this story is rated M for language and adult themes in later chapters.

He turned to me with a very agitated look on his face.

"What?" he sighed.

"Oh, it's just," I walked up to him. "I think we grabbed each others time tables." He then looked down at the crumbled piece of paper he was holding. Snatching the paper I was holding from me, he placed his paper on top of my bundle of books and proceeded to keep walking.

"Hey, wait up." I trotted along after him. "Excuse me?"

"What is it now, four eyes?" He stopped, his patience running thin.

"Ah, I couldn't help but notice that we both have the same History class next." I showed him my time table.

"So we do." He muttered turning again.

"But I was just wondering if you could show me where it is?"

"You new here or something?" He looked me up and down.

"Yeah, my name's Mark."

"I'm Roger. The class is this way." He said no more to me and started to walk in long strides through the halls. I followed him like the lost puppy that I was. He found the class seconds before the bell. I stood stock still in the doorway, unlike Roger who kept walking. The whole class went silent as we walked in. All twenty pairs of eyes fixed on us. As Roger made his way to an empty desk at the very back, people whispered to each other. Snapping out of this oddity, I went to the only free seat, one right across from Roger.

The class went by very fast. As everyone flooded out of the room Roger pushing past me. I wanted to say something to him but didn't. I don't really know why I want to; it wasn't like he was my friend. I wasn't sure if I like him or not. At least he was the first person who did something slightly nice for me. One thing I was hoping was that I would find a friend soon.

I didn't. Things just ended up getting much worst. No one liked me, and I mean no one. I sat by myself in every class, no one else bothering to say a word to me. My life has become a stereotypical high school movie. I, Mark Cohen, will be playing the loser, all alone, who gets beat up by the jocks everyday. Lunch was hell again. Double Hell. Everyday I would find an empty table and at one point be slammed to the floor by Jim and friends.

I had no social life, so I focused on my classes. I loved them all, but History, it was hard and Roger was there. That bugged me some reason. It might be because I didn't think he liked me. Why did that even matter to me? I didn't know him. I would doodle all class and make a point of not looking at him. Which most of the time I failed at. I would glance up once or twice at him, usually his face turned down into a book. But I was thrown off guard yesterday when I looked up to catch him looking at me. As soon as our eyes met he quickly moved his to the front of the room. I still wasn't sure what I thought of him.

I made up my mind today at lunch time. I was sitting with my head down pretending to be fascinated with my salad when I heard a voice that was too familiar.

"Pookie! It's so good to see you!" It was Maureen; I knew it was only a matter of time before I would see her. Thinking she was talking to me- when we were together she called me that- I looked up. Instead she was two tables up flinging her arms around Roger. He was the one she dumped me for! I felt my stomach turn over as I watched them sit and chat happily. I hated him.

"Who's that talking to Maureen? Is that that druggie guy? I thought he quit school?" I heard a girl say from the table behind me.

"Is that the same guy who killed his girlfriend?" asked a second.

"No," Said a third "She killed herself. But if he did do it, I wouldn't be surprised; I heard he was heavy into drugs. He had I go to rehab and everything." My heart skipped a few beats at this news about him.

"Is he dated Maureen?"

"No, you didn't hear? Maureen's dating Joanne. Really I think it's just for shock. She's such a Slut. Apparently she had a boyfriend who lived in another town the whole time she was having that fling with Mike."

I banged my head on the table. Great. Perfect. She didn't leave me for Roger, she left me for a women. And she couldn't just leave me for some else, she had to cheat on me too. I hate my life… and Roger.

I didn't feel like going home right away after school. I didn't feel like having my mother ask me how my day was twenty times. You'd think she'd understand that 'I don't want to talk about it' means I don't want to talk about it. So instead I walked around the grounds. I'd been here for three weeks now and haven't taken the time to explore. It was a very warm late afternoon for the end of September; I was temped to take off my jacket. I started to go slower as I started walking along the fence around the soccer field. There was a mess of team mates, half shirtless, playing fiercely. I stopped to watch them. I was never a sports fan, though, watching wasn't at all bad.

"Look who it is!" A voice called from behind me. It was Jim. Stupidly I tried to run but that didn't last very long. They caught up, and pushed me hard into the fence. I fell and had no way to get up because that ape pressed his foot down on my chest, trapping me there. He had two other friends with him, they all towered over me. "So is this what you do when you're not filming? You like watchin' the boys play?"

"So he's not just a geek," piped up one of the other ones. "He's a fag." They all laughed, I tried to protest, but what could I say?

"We really don't like fags at our school. Do you want to see what we do with them?" With that he lifted his foot to kick me square in the nose. I screamed as blood gushed out of it. But the worst was yet to come. The three of them grabbed me and picked me up. I struggled against them, but that didn't make it better. One punched me right under my eye sending my glasses flying. I couldn't see. The next thing I know I was upset down in a trash can, hearing there voices fad away. I wiggled until the trash can toppled over. I scuttled out of it, holding back tears.

"Honey, you okay?" I heard a gentle voice say. "Oh, let's get you inside." I was handed my glasses.

I was sitting in Miss Angels class room, holding a cloth to my nose. She- or he, I wasn't sure if the rumors were true yet- was writing a note down about sending Jim to the office the next morning. I knew that wouldn't help, but still, Miss Angel was the nicest person I'd met so far.

"Would you like an ice pack for that eye, Mark?" She called me by name. I liked that.

"No I'm okay, Thanks though,"

"So tell me," Her voice was sweet as honey. "How long has this been going on?"

"Since I got here."

"And you think they're picking on you because you're new?"

"That and the fact I'm a loner. No one talks to me. I don't have any friends."

"Don't say that, honey. Sometimes people just take time to adjust to a new town."

"It takes even longer when everyone hates you." I muttered.

"Sweetie, I know it must be hard for you, but there are always people out there who just don't except others they think are different. Trust me, I know more then anyone. Have you heard the talk around the school?"

"Well, I don't really know if they're true."

"They are true I am a man." I must say I was surprised. Her- his voice was so soft and womanly, and he looked and dressed so well. I never would have guessed on my own. "But I still live and dress and act they way I want. Now there were teachers and parents that hated the idea of me coming here. Some still do. But our principal, bless him, thought that I was right for the job despite that fact that I live as a women."

" Wow that was very brave of you."

"Mark, my point is that these things take time, but people will come around."

"Thanks." I liked Miss Angel, but some how I didn't believe her.

"Why don't you try to socialize a bit more? Let people get to know you?"

"I-I don't know…"

"Sweetie I have a great idea. Now you said that you're a film maker right?" I nodded "Well, I've been looking for someone willing to film some of the school events. There's a coffee house coming up on Friday, what do you say?"

Though I was very reluctant at first, in the end I agreed. I had to say I felt a little better knowing that at least there was someone in the school I could go to if I needed. When I was finally leaving to walk home, I bumped into Roger, though not literally this time. I opened the door to see him right in front of me about to reach for the handle. He looked at me with something that could only be shock or concern. Then I remembered the huge bruise I had under my eye, and that I was unsuccessful in wiping all blood off my face. Roger opened his mouth about to say something, but then stopped and walked past me. I still didn't like him.


	3. The Play's the Thing

I pushed through the door of the library, one of my favorite rooms in the school. It was lager and circular with book lined walls. All the desks in the middle of the room had been pushed away making and make shift stage. Mostly everyone had taken their seat; I stood close to the back of the room, away from everyone yet still with a good view.

The show was alright, we had some good talent here, but over all it was getting a little dull. But that was only until I saw Maureen take the stage. Lord, I wanted to leave right then. Filming her was the last thing I wanted to do. Then, to make matters worst, Roger joined her. I stayed, though I had heard Maureen sing many times before. As she sang I tried to look at everything but her, mostly the other members of the band. Practically Roger, he was a very gifted guitarist. When the Drama Queen strutted off the stage, Roger stood alone with only his guitar in hand. My jaw almost dropped when he started to sing; It was like his throat was lined with velvet. It was a slow song, one I did not know. I think everyone was as lost in the sound of his voice as I was.

This one ended far too fast. Everyone give him thunderous applause. I was shocked; I never would have guessed that Roger of all people could sing. I stayed in the library awhile after everyone else was gone. He was there too. He seemed to be everywhere I went. This time he was sitting on the floor behind a bookshelf; I almost tripped over him.

"Hey," I tried to think of something to say to him and fast. He looked up from his book for a few seconds, and then turned back to it. I noticed it was a book of Shakespeare's sonnets. Roger reads poetry? I never would have guessed that either. "That looks like a good book." He turned the cover away so I couldn't see. "You like poetry?"

"No, I just enjoy reading about things that I have no interest in." he snapped.

"Oh, well, I was at the show. You did a really good job." He said nothing. "You're really talented. I…" I couldn't think of what else I could say.

"Do you think that I care about anything you have to say to me?"

"Ah…"

"Because I don't."

"Wow. I was just trying to be-"

"Well, stop trying; I just want to be left alone."

"You and me both." I walked away. He has a beautiful voice, but he's a jerk.

Time went by same old, same old. I woke up, went to school, filmed anything I thought I could use, was thrown against lockers, ate alone, was thrown to the floor, eyes accidently made contacted with Roger's, went home, tried to eat, did homework, tried to edit, went to sleep dreading tomorrow.

They found out that I'm Jewish, though it wasn't like I was hiding it. In Journalism I had to write an article and do a little rant about stereotypes within cultures. I gave a first hand view of what the Jewish culture thought about their stereotypes. It was really easy; all I had to do was bring my camera to temple. Anyway, Ted- one of Jim's cronies- had a girlfriend who was in the class, who told him no doubt. Later, when it was time for my daily beating, I was greeted with:

"So he's not just a fag he's a Jew." Lovely. I'm lucky enough to be in a school where they hated gays _and_ Jews. Just Lovely.

It was now October 19th. I came to my locker to find that they had spray painted the words Jew and Faggot all over it. I went to the teachers to get someone to get it off. I tried to tell them who did it but they only said that I had no proof. Miss Angel stuck up for me though. I went to sit with her over lunch.

"So, things are still going bad, sweetie?"

"Well, seeing as I can't go a day with out being knocked over and being called names, I'd say yes."

"Mark, I think I have something that my help you." She sang.

"Really?" I asked, though I really wanted to say, don't bother it won't help.

"The Drama Club is starting up next week, I've already started doing some casting but I'm short a few people. Now, you seem like and artsy kind of guy and I have a part that would be great for you."

"I didn't know… I've never really acted before."

"It's not a huge role, and I think it would be great for you. Plus, nothing brings people together like a good play. You could meet some really nice people."

I was told to go of the theatre after school for casting. I'm not sure why I needed to; Miss Angel gave me the script a head of time. In was going to play Benvolio in Romeo and Juliet. When I got there chaos was already braking out. From what I could tell some girl named Mimi got the part of Juliet. Maureen, being the diva that she was wouldn't stand for this.

"But I can't play the Nurse!" her larger then life voice boomed across the room. "I'm too pretty to play some old lady!" she stormed out.

"Don't worry she'll be back." Angel laughed to herself. She then began to call out the rest of the parts. "Thomas is to play Friar Laurence, Jacob will play Tybalt, Allen will play Lord Capulet, Jill will play Lady Capulet, Mark will play Benvolio, Roger will play Mercutio…" She went on but I was not listening. I looked behind me to see him leaning against the door. My stomach flipped. Why? I'm stuck with both on them!

There was something, let's call it fate, which seemed to be drawing me and Roger together. Someone once said that all things are suppose to happen for a reason. I didn't know if I believed that. What possible good could come out me being stuck with Roger? And I really was stuck with him now. For a new History project- one that would take over half the term- we got partnered up.

"Are you even going to attempt to work on this?" I said to him. It was our second day of working on it. We found a spot in a stair well were we could work quietly. Yesterday Roger didn't say a word to me.

"Of course." He didn't look at me.

"Are we at least going to discuss-"

"We don't need to." He brushed my question off.

"What is up with you? You're going to have to talk to me some time. If you didn't notice we have a few scenes together!" I was getting upset now. "You know what, maybe you could enlighten me. What is it about me that everyone hates?" He still said nothing. "Why won't you talk to me!" Something hit me hard on the back of head. I think it was a text book. My glasses fell off and I collapsed on to my knees.

"What's wrong Fruit? Lover's spat?" Jim cackled and walked pasted me.

I held the back of my head and sucked in my breath; it felt like my scull was spiting open. Then there was a hand on my shoulder and another on my arm. It was Roger, he was slowly helping me up.

"Are you okay?" He handed me my glasses. I swayed slightly, but he propped me up.

"Yeah…no… sort of. Thank you."

"Let's go to the theatre. We can practice before practice."

"But class is only half way over."

"Who cares? Let's go." He took me by the arm and led me down the hall.


	4. Outcast

**Authors Note: Oh, I'm so happy to get to this chapter! Yeah, I know that the last three chapters weren't overly great, but finally we start on the Mark and Roger stuff! Also I'm just one of those people that not matter how many time I edit, there are always typos I miss. Sorry if there are any. Hope you like it! R&R! **

Roger returned with a wet cloth and gave it to me.

"Is it bleeding?" I shook my head. "I didn't know you were an actor." He tried to put some softness in his voice.

"Neither did I." I placed the cloth on the bump growing on the back of my head.

"What made you want to join?"

"I'm not sure. Miss Angel I guess… she said it might help me. I don't think it will work though."

"Help teacher's try to give you never help. Angel's not a normal teacher though. She's young and is almost as messed up as anyone else here. I'd take her advice."

"She is great, but I think I'm going to quit the show." I admitted.

"What? You can't do that."

"Why not?"

"What if it helps you?"

"I doubt it." I sighed. I felt uncomfortable sitting alone with him.

"Well, you won't know until you try."

"I thought you said to stop trying." I groaned. Surprisingly he laughed.

"I give up too easily sometimes, but that's just me. What about you?"

"I thought you said you didn't care about what I had to say."

"Stopping being an ass! You were the one that wanted to talk." He hit me in the arm. I had become use to being hit, in a painful way…but not in a playful way.

"I just read the play again last night."

"And it was so sad you just couldn't take it. It's okay their together in death"

"No!" I laughed. I laughed! Someone made me laugh. "I just forgot about everything that Benvolio did."

"What you mean nothing?"

"No, I just really don't want to play him."

"Why?"

"It's complicated." I wanted to change the subject. "What do you think about Mercutio?"

"I think he's got some long-ass speeches, but he's a fun character. I like him. Why don't you like Benvolio?"

I was saved but Angel bursting through the door. It was time for practice. Luckily she didn't question why we were there early. The whole cast was there – a part from Maureen- and we started to go over scene one. Roger having nothing to do, watched from afar; his eyes were on me the whole time, making me nervous. My other nerves about acting in front of people lessened when the actors playing Sampson and Gregory started. They where terrible. It took us almost an hour to get through the scene. After Angel told us to get in pairs to go over lines, Roger, without asking, claimed me as his partner by dragging me out in the hall. 'Better for vocals' he said. We got half way through Act 1 scene 4 before Roger started getting off topic.

"So tell me, why don't you like Benvolio?" He questioned, grinning at me.

"No reason," I lied. There was a reason; I just didn't want to talk him. "I just don't."

"But there has to be a reason."

"Can we talk about something else?" I pleaded.

"Okay." He paused. "What's with Jim slamming you with a book?"

"I don't know…if you hadn't noticed I'm not the most popular guy in school."

"Is he the guy that gave you that bruise?"

"Yes." I muttered slightly embarrassed.

"Why do you put up with him?"

"Do I have a choice? Now, can we please just-"

"I wouldn't."

"Sorry I'm not like you Roger," I was getting annoyed now and picked up my books to leave.

"You don't need to be like me, you just have to stop being like you."

"Stop being like me!"

"Yeah. Stop shutting yourself off from every thing."

"What!" Now I was offended. "Look, first of all you're the king of shutting yourself off from people."

"I don't stay away from people, people stay away from me. And besides, who cares what anyone in this whole school thinks about you? They don't know shit"

"Well lucky you. And second you shouldn't tell me to stop being like me. You don't know _anything_ about me." All the rage and sadness that had been dwelling inside me, about everything, was coming out.

"I didn't mean that-"He tried to explain himself.

"No! No one in this whole school knows anything things about me!" I was fuming now. "They know nothing and still they hate me! They don't know who I am, but they take it away. And I wish I could be so lucky, like you, to not care, but I do! Okay?" I was pacing the floor, no longer screaming at Roger but everything. "I could get use to being thrown in the trash or getting pushed down or having books thrown at me, but it's the fact that I haven't had a name since I've been here! Everywhere I go it's That New Kid, or The Guy with the Camera, or Fruit, or Fag, or Jew! I'm sick of it! Do you know what it's like to be a totally outcast!"

Roger stared at me with a very sympathetic look in his eyes. I could not keep his gaze. I could feel tears in my eyes and my face going red. Folding my arms I turned and walked a few paces away. Seconds later I felt a hand of my back, Roger was beside me again. I rested my head in my hands.

"Please don't…" I tried to say. He didn't move.

"You know it's time to go now. Some other people have left."

"Wonderful." I whisper.

"Here." He handed me my bag. "Were leaving." I didn't protest, I wasn't in the mood to. We left the school, and headed down a street to the middle of town. I kept my head down the whole time.

We ended up in a comfy little coffee shop. I wasn't sure why he was taking me here, but I was happy to get in from the chilly October air. I sat down in a padded booth in the corner. When Roger came back, he was holding two cups a coffee, one of which he pasted my way. I gawked at him.

"Don't worry it's on me." he sat back and smiled.

"You really didn't have to get me anything."

"Don't worry. If we do this again you'll pay."

"So is there really any reason you brought me here?" I sipped my coffee. I wasn't a huge coffee fan, a preferred tea personally.

"You asked me if I knew what it was like to be an outcast."

"Your point?"

"Well, I do. I just felt like telling you in a more comfortably setting. And I wanted a coffee."

"Oh."

"So have you heard some of the things that people say about me?"

"Yeah, some crazy things." I snorted.

"Like what?" His eyes were fixed on me.

"Well, like you quit school, and had a drug problem… I didn't believe any of it." He laughed at this.

"Really? Cause its true." I almost choked on my coffee. "Don't look so alarmed. I'm better now."

"Do you mind if I ask what happened?"

"Not at all."

"Do you mind if I tape it?" I pulled out me camera, Roger looked puzzled. "If you don't want to it's fine, you don't-"

"No, it's just, do you take that thing with you everywhere?"

"Pretty much."

"Yeah, sure, tape it." I set it up.

"Okay go."

"I have always loved music, all my life. I like to think I'm sort of tenanted. When I started freshmen year, I started hanging around with these other musical people. They really liked my sound and seemed to like me. They would sneak me into clubs so I could play with them. We ended up going to the club all the time. I started partying… wild partying. Long story short, they introduced me to pot and then crack and some other stuff. Before you no it, I was shooting up every two weeks, then every week then every day.

"Nothing else mattered to me. Every time I got stressed I would just get high. Then I find out that I'm failing. But I didn't care. My only friend was my girlfriend April. She was hooked worst then I was. In time my parent kicked me out of the house. So I lived with April, she had her own apartment. I loved her but she was hell to live with. She kept trying to quit but she couldn't." His voice quivered "One day, I-I came home…"He took a deep breath. "And found her dead in the bathroom. She slit her wrists" I couldn't think of what to say. I tried to reach out to him, but couldn't bring myself to. "I wanted to move back in with my parents, but they didn't want me back. They gave me money to go to rehab and said they didn't want to see me again. It was hard, but somehow I did it. I've been clean for over a year.

"After I got out, I was living on the street for a while. Then I moved in with a friend of mine that's a few years older then me. And here I am, clean and going to graduate at nineteen. But things spread around, no one would talk to me at first, it was difficult, but my life's better now, so I don't care what they think. And I've got enough friends, I don't need more." We sat in silence.

"Wow." I turned off my camera. "That's one hell of a story. I'm sorry about your girlfriend."

"That's all right… it was a while ago. I've moved on."

"I had a bad breakup too, but not that bad."

"Look how beautiful it is right now." He was looking out the window, at the pink sky and matching golden trees.

"Yeah, it is."

"It's almost Halloween."

"Yeah, your point?"

"Do you like Halloween? I'm not sure. A whole holiday based around scaring people." His eye's drifted back to me. "What scares you, Mark?" I was thrown off by this.

"Look, thanks for the story and the coffee but I really need to get going."

"Okay." He said calmly. I walked out, but only got about four steps away before I heard Roger call to me. "Wait!" I turned; he handed me a ripped piece of paper. It was his phone number. "I was just thinking… if you ever wanted to talk, ya know, share more stories…give me a call." I tucked it away into my pocket.

"I will. See you later."I smiled and nodded.

"See you later…Mark."


	5. Halloween

I lay in bed that night not really knowing what to think about the events of the day. Why was Roger taking an interest in me all of the sudden? Maybe it had something to do with my little out burst, that I was now very embarrassed about. Even so why did he feel that he had to tell me everything that he did? Did this make him my friend now? I thought about everything that he said, I felt so bad for him. But I also admired his attitude about it all.

I placed his phone number on my desk. I wanted to call him. Now? In the middle of the night? No, that would make me look crazy. Suddenly, I felt like I wanted to pour even more of my soul out to him, tell him why I didn't like Benvolio. Tell him about my fears, everything I had felt since I'd come here. I had found someone who'd listen to me, and I wanted to grab hold and not let go. At last I had something to look forward to. I would tell him everything tomorrow.

He wasn't at school. I was alone again and felt stupid. Why did I jump to conclusions? I always do stuff like that. What, we talked once and now we were going to be best friends? No, it didn't work like that. When I got home I said to myself that I would never call him, no matter what. If I decided that I was going to talk to him it would be in person.

For the rest of the week he was not at school. This struck me as odd, up to this point he'd not missed a day. I worked on our project alone, I read my lines alone, alone, _alone_. That night I locked myself in my room, sat on my bed and watched some of my footage. When I got to all the bits with Roger in them I stopped. Why was this bugging me so much? All I could do was think of what I wanted the say to him. I would not call him. I wouldn't.

I lost this fight very quickly. Two hours later with a very shaky hand I dialed. It started to ring. Oh God, hang up, hang up! I can't do this. Five rings…six rings, I can't do this. Despite how many times I told myself to hang up, I couldn't. It rang for a long time; I was about to hang up when I heard it pick up. There was no answer, just the sound of something falling over.

"Hello?" Still nothing. "Roger?"

"What!" Roger grunted sharply and then winced as if in pain.

"Roger?"

"Mark?" He winced again.

"Are you okay?"

"Ah…yeah." There was pain in his voice and I didn't believe him.

"You haven't been at school."

"Really? I didn't notice."

"Any reason?"

"I've been busy." There was a long silence. "Is that the only reasons you called? To find out why I wasn't at school? Oh God, you're not going to bring over my homework are you?"

"No! I just… I remembered something that you said and…"

"And?"

"I don't like Benvolio because he's left alone at the end and is forgot about. He's has two best friends and they ended up dying, and once they do you never get to hear how he feels about to. And I don't want to play him because I'm afraid of being like him. For me Halloween is being Benvolio." I bit my lip waiting for a response.

"Well, that took long enough."

"What?"

"Why didn't you tell me that the other day?"

"I didn't know what you would think."

"I get it. Put it that way being Benvolio sucks. But as I recall you're not Benvolio, you're Mark and you should still be him in the play."

"But I don't want to be like him."

"It's call acting, dumb ass." He laughed.

"Well… I'll think about it. Hey, tomorrow's Halloween." I added to change the subject.

"Are you scared that you'll wake up wearing tights and won't be able to stop bitching about all your dead buddies in iambic pentameter?"

"No. What are you scared of?" Feeling more relaxed I sprawled across my bed instead of standing rigidly like I was.

"And why should I tell you?"

"Ah, because I told you my fear."

"Took you three day." He pointed out. "You doing anything tomorrow night?"

"No, I'll just be home alone," I felt like a total loser saying this.

"Fun, I was invited to Maureen's costume party." My heart sank a little. "Everyone going. One to see Maureen in the skin tight Cat suit she's wearing and two to see the MoJo bomb go off."

"The what?"

"MoJo? Maureen and Joanne? They haven't been to a public event yet where they don't have a huge fight. It's really funny." I chuckled at this. At least their relationship wasn't going well.

"Well, have fun."

"Oh, I'm not going."

"Really?" my voice cracked. I was so happy he couldn't see me blush.

"Yeah, I'm not really in the partying mood. Hey, why don't we hang out?"

"You'd rather hang out with me, the most unpopular person in school, then go to Maureen, the hottest person in school's party? And people think I'm weird."

"Trust me, Maureen is not the hottest person in school."

"Okay, who do you-"

"Anyway, you're home alone right? I'll come over with some of those old crapy horror movies."

"Cool."

"I'll be over at seven."

"Okay. Bye." I almost dropped the phone trying to put it back on my desk.

Oh. My. God. I felt like my heart was going to burst. A had a friend! I had a date, I mean not a date date. A friendly type date. I wouldn't be alone tomorrow.


	6. Light my Candle?

**Author's Note**: I really hope you like it, I'm soooo happy to be getting to this part, That classic Roger/Mark relationship is starting to form. Enjoy!

I couldn't say I was a fan of looking at my self in the mirror. All in all, I found that I was not that interesting to look at. Pale, I was very pale. I couldn't tan, in was truly impossible, but on the other hand, I couldn't burn either. What's wrong with me? I was impervious to the sun. My hair was short and typical, my lips where thin and typical, along with more then typical blue eyes. I was not an interesting looking person. I was just so…white. I did have clear skin; zits were never really a problem for me.

Roger would be over soon, my mother was gone…Breath, just breath. It was Halloween and I was frightened. I needed this to go well. Lord, I was not good with people.

I pulled my face out of the hallway mirror and rushed into the kitchen to pop popcorn. I might have been making it too early but I didn't really care, I was starving, having not eating much that day. Nerves always keep me from eating. Once I was happily munching away I got to plop down on the coach for about three seconds before I heard a loud knock at the door.

"Hey, four eyes, open up." It was Roger. I opened door and almost had to take a double take to make sure it was him. It was, though he was wear a leopard print jacket, tight leather pants and about two full sticks of eye liner.

"Ah… do I know you?"

"Shut up!" He shoved two bags of assorted candy into my arms. "I can pull this off any day, not just Halloween." He strolled into my house like he'd been here a thousand times.

"I thought you couldn't enter a house with out being invited first?" We began to move into the living room.

"I'm a rocker, not a vampire." He pointed out.

"Same difference."

"Yeah, though I have to say, it's not as good as yours." He made himself comfortable on the coach.

"What do you mean!" I looked down at my white, purple and gray argyle sweater, and brown pants.

"Aren't you the classic nard?"

"Shut up." I sat beside him. Well not 'beside' him, we were on opposite sides of the coach.

"What? It looks good on you." Roger looked around the room. "This is a nice house."

"It's okay, I guess, I liked our old one better."

"It's better then the shit-hole I live in."

"Do ever miss living with your parents?" I had no idea why I would ask something like that, but Roger seemed to be cool with it.

"Sometimes…not really though. I don't miss them yelling at me about everything…I do miss them..." I felt bad for bring that up now.

"I'm sorry."

"No it's fine, I've got a great roommate. You should meet him sometime, his name's Collins."

"You're so luckily, I can't wait to be free of my mother. It feels good to be free from her now. She's very protective."

"And she's letting you bring a rocker, ex-junkie into her house?" He shorted.

"She doesn't know you're here. She'd at a Jewish singles mixer…"

"And you didn't go with her?"

"Oh, don't even get me started on how hard she tried. Me finding a good looking Jewish woman is her only goal in life, I swear." I laughed.

"Have you got a woman Mark? Or a man?" I looked at him with a 'what are you trying to say' look. "I don't judge." He shrugged.

"I had a woman once, but I was short lived."

"Ah, that's just the way isn't it? Was she hot?"

"It was Maureen."

"What! You…and Maureen? You're joking."

"Hands to God I dated her."

"Wow…Oh, wait, she did say once that she was dating someone in the next town over. That was you, wasn't it?"

"Yep."

"You know she cheated on you with everything that moved right?"

"I heard, yeah." Your eyes met for the first time since he had gotten here. "Anyway," he looked away "Relationships suck, lets watch horror movies."

"Amen to that."

They those old movies that are so laughably bad, they end up being one the best movies you've ever seen. It was one of those movies with the high school jock boys with way too much make up, girls with too skinny a waist to support those giant fake boobs, murders with ugly masks and dull looking knives, and very bad music, trying too hard to be scary, that plays when that idiot goes back in the house when they have no godly reason to. Over all too much fake blood and fake women. Right now we were watching a topless girl get 'hacked' apart in a restroom.

"Do the people who make these movies think that if they just through in a bunch of tits, that it'll make the movie good." Roger snickered with a mouth full of gummy worms.

"Maybe they think if it gives some sicko somewhere a thrill they've done there job."

"Yeah, well it's not working for me. Take that one for example, I mean, she's got an okay rack, but she's hideous!"

"Beauty's in the eye of the beholder." I quipped.

"Not in my eyes, I mean for God's shake that busboy she blow off was prettier then her."

"Hey, pass the gummy worms." I asked. Roger smiled and flipped me off.

"No way, you've got the popcorn all to yourself." He pointed to the half full bowl in my lap.

"Well, then get off your ass and get some." I held out the bowl, he just looked at it.

"Meh, too much of a hassle. God, it's hot in here." He was right, I did seem toastier then normal. But I wasn't expecting Roger to suddenly start taking off his jacket. Underneath he was wearing a mess shirt; it was completely see through and showed off his perfectly toned chest. I small twinge ran through me. I was stunned for a moment before I could realize what it was. Then my mind started to panic, I had to distract myself.

"God, you're lazy!" I throw some popcorn at him, which hit him in the face. Roger retaliated by throwing worms at my. Then we had a full out food fight like we were six. About half way through a mega thunder clap seemed to rock the whole Earth. Roger screamed and I jump out of my seat… and landed on Roger. There was another one and the lights went out. I got up off Roger- really I was surprised that he didn't shove me off himself- and stood up.

"Damn, the power blew." We had been so into our movie that I didn't even hear the storm that was raging outside.

"Well, at least we still have the candy." Roger said happily, still in his seat.

"Not the way you keep eating it. I'm going to go look for some flashlights."

" 'Kay." Roger crunched.

I stumbled through the house, with the occasional lightening to guide me. I found no flashlight. Instead I grabbed a match box and a bunch of candles. I reentered the living room. It seemed a little to quiet, and of course the lightening would never come on the moments I needed it to.

"Roger?" I moved farther in. "Are you here?" There was no answer; I tried to calm myself. I started to set up the candles on the coffee table when a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back on the coach. And course I started freaking out, but stopped when Roger laughed and turned on his lighter, casting an eerily shadow over his face.

"Scaredy cat." He giggled and smiled deliciously.

"I-I wasn't scared,"

"Yeah, right." He eyes never left me the whole as I tried to light a match. For some reason it just wasn't working. Match after match, nothing. I looked back at Roger who was grinning at my pain. It was then that I remembered that he was holding a lighter.

"Would you help me out here?" I pleaded. Roger gazed at the light like he was making the hardest decision of his life.

"I guess…I could…"

"Roger,"

"Fine." He came closer- this time he was right beside me- and lit it. But the moment I looked away, it 'mysteriously' was blown out.

"Did you just-"

"Your candle's out." He pointed out.

"Well?" I asked. Roger studied my face.

"Well what?"

"Would you light my candle?" I sighed. He did, not looking away.

"What are you staring at?"

"Nothing…" he smirked.


	7. Roger to the Rescue

Author's Note: Hey sorry this took so long, I was away (I guess I still am… sort of). Anyway, this chapter is a bit choppy… I'm not sort if it turned out as well as I went it to. I will be adding more soon as soon as I find a working computer. Hope you enjoy!

Monday morning, I wasn't sure how I managed to get out of bed, I was so tried. Though I must say I woke up a bit when I walked out of my front door to see Roger standing in my drive way.

"What on Earth are you doing here?" I angled my camera at him.

"Good morning to you too." We started to walk together. "I thought I would escort you to school this morning."

"I'm not gonna get lost, you know."

"Yeah, but if someone throws more books at you, I'll be here."

"To do what?" I snorted skeptically.

"I don't know… Help find your glasses if they fall off…Oh, I could put band-aids on your cuts or kiss them better." He laughed. I could feel my facing going red.

"Ah… I think I'll be okay." Roger shrugged and rolled up his sleeves. I looked down and saw that right below his wrist there was a huge cut that went almost all the way across. It looked to be all most healed but still was still a bit red. "Oh my God, what happened to you?"

"Oh, sorry for caring Mark. I'll let you get hit in the face next time." He scoffed.

"No, I mean your wrist." He looked down at it and then covered it up.

"Oh, that's nothing."

"But are you okay? What happened?"

"It was…a cat."

"What?"

"I was attacked… by a cat."

"You don't own a cat."

"I didn't say it was my cat, I said it was a cat."

"But that still-"

"So when's that History thing do?" He clearly wasn't going to answer me so I let it go.

"Soon."

"No, I thought it wasn't due for like a mouth."

"That is soon considering all the shit we have to do."

"Hey, so after school me and Collins were going to go to that little café, you should come to." My heart fluttered a bit. The more time I could spend with Roger and away from home the better.

"Okay. Oh, but remember we have practice after school."

"I thought you said you didn't want to play Benvoilo?"

"Well I changed my mind." Roger beamed at the news.

"That's great. Hey you should help me go over same stuff at lunch time."

"Sure, how's Queen Mab going?"

"She's a bitch."

"Well that's Shakespeare for ya."

"'And in this state she gallops night by night, Trough lovers brains and they dream love…' Ah, what's comes next?" He gave up again.

"'O're courtiers knees?"

"What? Lets me see that." Roger reached across the lunch table and snatched my script away from me. "What the hell?"

"I told you."

"What does that even mean?"

"Who knows." I snatched it back from him. I took a look around the room, a about a hand full for people from surrounding tables kept glancing at us.

"Ignore them."

"I was." I turned back to Roger. God, he had the greenest eyes I'd ever seen. "So where's Maureen today." I replaced my fascination with his eyes with my fear of seeing Maureen. Ever since Roger had asked me to see him over lunch I was afraid of running in to her.

"You're going to have to talk to her sometime."

"Not necessarily." I shifted uneasily.

"She's back in the play."

"Of course she is." I sighed and sunk down in my seat a little.

"Do you still love her?" Now it was Roger's turn to blunt with the questioning.

"No." I said too fast.

"Really?" I didn't think he believed me. "Well, just make sure you come today, I think you'll enjoy yourself."

I really did have a good time. Just after getting there Roger pointed out Joanne to me. I couldn't say I was thrilled when I found out thatMiss Angel made her the assistant director. But I was after I saw just how much she and Maureen fought even more then we did. Every second Maureen wasn't on stage she was being pulled to the side by Joanne to bicker about something new. This made me feel great. I always enjoy seeing Roger do such a good job with most his lines. Maybe he couldn't get queen Mab down, but he did everything else perfectly.

"Do you think she'll make us wear tights?" I asked Roger as we strolled out of the school.

"What?" he looked puzzled.

"Well, we haven't talked about costumes yet, and I was just wondering."

"Oh, I don' think she would do that." Roger lips spread once again into that sly grin.

"Why?"

"Because no one would watch the play." He stated as if it made prefect sense.

"Okay…why?"

"Well, It's simple really. They'd be so mesmerized by the sight of you in tights that they wouldn't concentrate on anything else." Now I was the puzzled one. "Hey, I'll be right back. I need to give Maureen back her script."

"Why do you have Maureen's script?"

"Because she already has her lines down and my script is…misplaced."

"You lost your script!"

"No," Roger looked as though that statement was outrageous. "I just don't know where it is."

"But that is-"

"I will be right back."

I felt strangely at peace standing there alone in that empty parking lot. It was a prefect place for filming. Slowly dying golden orange trees, their leafs blowing everywhere in the chilly November air. Things were really starting to look up for me, all thanks to Roger. I was on top of the world, nothing could bring me down, not even Jim. Of course, my luck being what it was, I spoke too soon.

"Have fun in the theater, Fag?" Jim and his two little zombies were fast approaching. Oh Lord, why now? I had no where to hid either. As usual they give me a sharp shove and ripped my camera away. I was getting really sick of this.

"Give it back." I breathed with little to no energy.

"Oh, are you sad that you won't be able to film your boyfriend any more?"

"He not my…" Why do I even bother?

"Why are you two even here? No one wants you here. That's the last thing we need, a coke head and a faggot."

"Look, asshole, my name's Mark. Are you really that stupid that you can't remember?" Why the hell did I say that? They looked at me stunned- almost as stunned as I was- until Jim delivered a very powerful blow to my stomach. I fell, doubled over in pain; they made more comments or more likely insults. After I made sure I wasn't going to throw up, I wearily got to my feet and did one of the stupidest thing I'd even done. I punch Jim in the face, which did nothing but make him mad and hurt my hand. Figuring they had to 'teach me a lesson' they throw me to the ground and began to kick me repetitively. Shielding my face I endured this torture, but not as long as I thought.

"What the hell are you doing?" I dare not look up yet. All I heard was even more yelling and punches being thrown. The three men were being pulled off me. I opened my eyes to see one of my attackers was already leaving, one was being pushed away by a tall black man I did not recognize, and Jim and Roger rolling around on the ground in what looked like I death match. The other attacker left and the man turned to face me, reaching out his hand.

"Need some help?" I took his hand and he helped me to my feet.

"Thank you...Ah." The man smiled one of the biggest smiles I'd ever seem.

"Collins. And you're welcome. You must be Mark." He shook my hand with a very tight grip.

"Yes, nice to meet you." I said just as Roger and Jim released each other. Jim ran off with his buddies, Roger stayed on the ground.

"Yeah and remember," he shouted, a bit out of breath "You fuck with him again and I'll mess you up!"

"Wow, you need to calm down, man." Collins helped him up as well.

"Are you boys alright?" Miss Angel came running out of the school. When she got to us she threw her arms around me. "I so happy Mark, now we have witnesses! We can at least get them suspended for a few weeks, won't that be nice."

"Yeah," I don't know what they'll do when they get back, but it's still nice.

"And thank you Roger," She smiled at him. "You okay, honey?" she turned to Collins.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." His nose was bleeding a little and there was a cut on his hand.

"Oh, no, why don't you come to my office I'll get you cleaned up. I'm Angel." Collins smile broadly at her.

"Angel…indeed. I'm Collins, Tom Collins." They walked towards the school. "I'll catch up with you later Roger."

Now we were standing alone. Roger handed me my camera.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Considering that I just had the shit kicked out of me, pretty good." I meant it to.

"That's good."

"Thank you Roger, really."

"It was nothing."

"I didn't know you could be so aggressive."

"Well Benvolio," He put his arm around me. I was still very sore, but I didn't want to break the contact. "I'm here, and I've got your back. You know what they say, men in tights stick together."

"What?" I laughed "I thought you said she wasn't going to make us wear them."

"Well, you know what I mean."

"Not really."

"Still want to go out for coffee?"

"I'd like that."


	8. Sweet dreams

Authors Note: Hey so this is where the M rating comes in…you have been warned. I haven't written much of that kind of stuff so I hope it's okay. Enjoy!

Like Mercutio and Benvolio, as the weeks went by, Roger and I were almost never apart. My daily routine had changed a great deal. Now it was wake up, eat something super fast so I could walk to school with Roger, go to class- now with only mild taunting, eat lunch at the corner table with Roger, History with Roger, Practice with Roger, homework, editing, one of which was usually interrupted by, you guessed it, Roger. He would always call at the oddest times to. I can't count the number of midnight conversations we've had. I think we were good for each other. My loneness and fear had for the most part subsided, and apparently Roger was feeling better as well.

I remember the first time I went over to Roger's house. I liked his house, it was a bit run down but it had a certain charm about it. Collins was there though he wasn't staying; he told us that he had a date, even if he wouldn't tell us who it was. Roger went into the kitchen to search for food-typical Roger, always eating- leaving us two alone. Before he left Collins told me how happy he was to see how I 'woke up' Roger. I guess before hand Roger had been really down and didn't get out much.

Roger did have some problems with anxiety. He could get really nervous or moody about some things. Sometimes he would have little outbursts somewhat like the one I had that started our friendship. The last one that I remember was him lamenting over the fact that no one would want to see a play with an ex drug addict in it. I laughed and pointed out that know one would care when they saw that he was the only one who could act. I found that I was pretty good at calming him down. I felt good about being there for him. Sometimes I would find myself wondering if Roger being my only friend was enough. Don't get me wrong, I was so thankful to have met him, but I still had no other friends. And there was a sort of tension that was starting to grow, one that was starting to weight on my mind.

His hands were running slowly down my chest, I was so captivated with the softness of their lips finally pressing down on mine that I didn't notice them slip under my sweater. I had been watching his lips all day, and wanted them so bad, finally they were capturing mine. It was slow at first but quickly heated up. My sweater was off now, when did that happen? His lips moved off mine trialing down my neck, and lower. I shivered when they closed around my nipple, I didn't think I was so sensitive. They moved again, now raining thousands of burning kisses over me, all the while going farther and farther down at an impossibly slow rate. My torso seemed five miles long and was almost shaking with desire. I was completely naked now, I wasn't sure how but I could care less. He kept kissing me while gliding his hands over my thighs. Why was he torturing me like this? He could see I was erect almost to a point of pain. He was naked too now, and claimed back up my body so our faces were less then and inch away. He pressed his body firmly against mine. I could have melted…

My eyes snapped open, l was breathing very hard. Oh God, it was a dream. I was relieved and horribly disappointed. My mind was spinning while my body was riddled with want. I noticed that I was harder this morning then normal. Damn, my penis was betraying me. I turned crushing my facing into my pillow. It had been some time since I fantasized about a man. The first time it happen I freaked out, I thought I might have gone insane. When ever I thought about it,or saw a guy who caught my eye, I would just say to myself that I was straight and just horribly confused. That worked for awhile. Until one day I said to myself, what if I was gay and just horribly confused? So I didn't know what to think. I had nothing against gay people, but I feared what others may think of me.

Life was too confusing. I couldn't make a final decision on which gender I found more appealing right now. I couldn't really think of anything apart from my longing for the imagery figure I was just with. Perhaps it was time for some solo pleasure. God, my life was sad. I got no true human contact… just mucho masturbation.

I decided to let my thoughts wander between genders as I began to stroke myself. I wanted to see which one got me going more. Of course the first thing that drifted through my head was the 'proper' object of male desire a half naked, unrealistic blond chick that closely resembled a porn star. That quickly faded and was replaced with pretty real life girls that I had crushes on over the years. Though I admit I tried to focus on these girls my mind would slip back to the flawless bodied Adonis of a man I had dreamed of. So I gave up and envisioned myself back underneath him. This is perfection, utter perfection, I quickened my pace, caught up with the idea of our bodies moving together. I couldn't take much more of it. His hot hands all over me, his lips on me neck…Perfection! I didn't hold myself back, my muscles tensed and my orgasm rippled through me. My back arched and I had the sudden urge to call out. I did.

"Roger!"

My body relaxed, my pleasure slowly drifted away and was replaced with something else. What was usually bliss was now horror. Oh, God. Did I really just shout out Roger's name? No. No this couldn't be. I was not attracted to Roger. Roger was my only friend and that was all we could ever be. But then I thought some more. The hazy image of the man I was yearning for was starting to come in a little clearer. I thought about the body shape, the height, the chest, the shape of the lips. Oh Lord, it was Roger I was thinking about!

I lay there in my bed almost unable the move. This can't be happening. In my horror I thought more and more. How I can sometimes get a little awkward around him, how I'm always bewitched by those gorgeous eyes of his, how my heart skips a beat almost every time I see him. He was so handsome. But it was more then that and I hated myself for it. I loved how kind Roger was, how I could talk to him so easily, his friendly teasing, and his sincere interest in me. He made my feel wanted and well…happy. So lets say I do have feeling for Roger-even though I probably don't, I'll wake up tomorrow and these feelings will be gone- what can I really do about them? Nothing. Roger's my only friend, hell he's my best friend. I can't put our friendship on the line, it means too much to me.

The phone rang and I practically jumped out of my skin. One because it was early and I was tired and two because I for some reason feared that they had caught me thinking about things I shouldn't. Slowly I reached for the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?" I muttered

"Shalom!" Oh God, it was Roger, the last person I wanted to talk to right now. He sounded far too awake for this time of day.

"What? Roger it's like six and it's Sunday, why are you calling me now?" I rubbed my eyes and put on my glasses.

"Because, aren't you excited!"

"Excited about what?"

"Happy Hanukkah! Aren't you all pumped up to light that…thingy."

"The menorah?"

"Yeah, one of those. You'll do a great job lighting that first candle. There's seven, right? "

"Ah, thanks, but Hanukkah started two days ago."

"Oh, well happy third day of Hanukah."

"Thank you."

"I have a question."

"Hm?"

"Do you get up super early to open gifts and stuff for Hanukah?"

"No." I said realizing why he was calling so early.

"Oh, did I wake you?"

"Yes." I laid back down and closed my eyes, wanting to end this conversation as fast as I could.

"I have another question,"

"Shoot."

"Have you ever celebrated Christmas?"

"Why would…do I even need to answer that?" I was getting a little annoyed.

"I just bring it up because over in Cosmen Valley their having this little Drama Festival, theres going to be some Shakespeare plays. It's over Christmas and seeing as how you don't celebrate it, I figure you wouldn't mind going with me." I really wanted excepting that.

"Yeah, but you celebrate it. What about…" I almost said what about your family. Lucky I stopped myself. "I mean, how would we get there?"

"Bus."

"Okay, but where would we stay?"

"I think a hotel would be fine. Unless you like sleeping out side in the winter." Deep down going to some plays sounded really fun, but I didn't like where this was going.

"Okay, but do we have enough money?"

"Yeah, if we share a room and thats no problem. Right?" My mouth went dry.

"That sounds fine." I squeaked.

"Cool. Well, I'll let you get back to sleep. Sweet dreams."

"Bye." I hung up the phone. Why? Cruel fate, why? I can't share a bed with Roger! Sundenly the image of us in bed together popped in my head, but was snuffed quickly. What the hell was I to do?


	9. Lonely Christmas eve

**Author's Note**: (sigh) Mark and Roger just can't find the words to say what they want to… Also mellifluous is like my favorite word. Enjoy!

It was now the last day of classes before Christmas break. School was ending later then normal on the 23rd. There was very little to do in class, for the most part we had passed in all major assignments already. Me and Roger didn't get as good of grade as I was hoping for on our project, even though we put a lot of afford into it. We ended up doing this little play about great rulers through history. It went well, apart from Roger doing a lot of adlibbing chocked full of innuendos. The class loved it, our teacher, not so much. I was so happy it was over though… well kind of.

Everything seemed to be ending. When we returned from the break we would be thrust right into exams. The term would be over. I wouldn't have History with Roger anymore. When this first crossed my mind I thought that it was no big deal, we would still have our play. But no we wouldn't. There were only a few dress rehearsals left and then we'd be performing, and it would be over too. We wouldn't have anymore ties. Would Roger stick around? Unlike me he had other friends. Maureen and a bunch of other musical people; they played together sometimes and were a hit around the school.

That was a concern, but not the biggest one at the moment. I was wrong, I didn't wake up the next morning to find that my feelings for Roger had gone away. They were there and now the only thing I could think about. I felt I wasn't acting normal around him anymore. For some completely illogical reason every time I had one of my thoughts around him, I thought that maybe he could hear me. That I would be found out. I was locked in a battle with my own mine. No matter what I was thinking about it would always slip back to how golden Roger's hair looked in the sun, or how hot those tight leather pants looked, or how perfectly his lips curved when he smiled. I didn't say all that much around him. Luckily, he didn't notice much, he was far too excited about our trip. He had it planned to the last detail. At lunch I happily let him yammer on about which plays we were going to see and in what order.

At practice we were busy going over last minute things thus we had no time to talk. It went exceptionally well, I was shocked that I didn't miss any of lines and that I could move so well in tights. When it was over Miss Angel almost had tears in her eyes and gave each and every one of us a great big hug. I felt a little bad but I slipped out while she was talking to Roger, I just didn't want to see him right now.

I was being stupid; I couldn't keep avoiding Roger forever. I didn't want to. This is what would happen; Roger and I would stay friends, I would never tell him how I feel, and everything would be normal. I finished packing my things for the trip and slipped my weary body into bed. Tomorrow night came seeping into my mind again. I wound not share a bed with him. I would sleep on the floor. In time sleep gave me peace, no more Roger no more anything, it was wonderfully bliss.

The phone rang. At first I thought it might have been part of a dream, but not such luck. As my mind slowly slipped back into reality I saw that it was indeed real. Who could be calling this late? I wondered that for about two seconds before I answered myself. Lord, not this again. I picked it up.

"Mark?" Roger's voice cut me off before I got the chance to say hello. I sighed, not feeling in the mood to talk. "Mark!" Roger sounded oddly panicked. Was something really wrong this time?

"Roger?"

"Hey." He sighed in relief.

"Ah, hey to you too."

"So, are you okay?"

"I'm a little sleepy, but yeah I'm okay." Why would he think I wasn't?

"Oh, good, I-I was just making sure." He still sounded uneasy.

"Is there any reason you thought I wouldn't be okay?" I had to ask.

"No."

"Okay," Roger made no sense. "Well if thats all-"

"No! No, it's not." He didn't elaborate at all.

"I'm listening."

"Well… I just wanted to say, Um… I mean I thought I should tell you…"

"You should tell me, what?"

"I should tell you that…I can't wait for tomorrow." He answered weakly.

"Okay, and you felt the need to call me half past midnight to tell me that because?"

"That's not all."He paused "Mark…"

"Yes?"

"I told you she would make us wear tights."

"No you didn't!"

"Well I thought it. So how do yours feel?"

"Tight, I like yours better."

"Why? They're just as tight."

"Yeah, but yours are black. They don't draw attention. Mine are light blue, I feel like an idiot."

"But I like them, they're a beautiful shad of blue…they match your eyes."

One awkward silence later we said good night. I just don't get Roger some times.

It was too early. If it wasn't so bitterly cold out I think I would have fallen asleep right there at the bus stop. Roger showed up about a minute or two before the bus did with two cups in his hands. I swear Roger was addicted to coffee, he'd pick me up one in the morning sometimes too. Which I drank anyway just to make him happy. I was startled this morning when he gave me my favorite tea.

I didn't do any filming on the bus. I wasn't in the mood, plus it was really boring. Roger was trying to pass the time by reciting all of his lines. Though I was starring out the window the whole time I was hanging on to his every word. Roger had an immaculate voice for Shakespeare it was as mellifluous as a lullaby. I was lazily falling asleep to it. I was just nodding off when Roger stopped.

"Hey, Camera boy, do you feel like telling me what's going on?" That woke me up; I pealed my cheek off the window and sat up.

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

"No… I don't."

"You've been really quiet lately, I mean I talk more then you anyway but you've barely said anything to me this passed week."

"I'm just not in the talking mood I guest." I didn't seem to be in the mood for anything these days.

"Do you want to talk about why you're not in the mood for talking?"

"No," I looked at him this time. As soon as my eyes hit those lips I wanted to kiss them. I flicked them down and they fell upon Roger's wrist. There were more almost healed scars all over it. "What are those?" I reached to touch them but he pulled away.

"Nothing, stop trying to change the subject!"

"I'm not changing the subject, you are! Are you okay?"

"I was about to say the same thing to you?"

"Well, I said it first!"

"Yeah, first thing you've said all day." He said under his breath clearly annoyed at me.

"I don't want to talk about it right now,"

"Well good, neither do I."

We sat in silence for the rest of the ride. We didn't say anything until we reached our hotel room.

"God, it looks like Frankenberry threw up pepto bismol and fruit loops." Roger was right. The dirty looking carpet was a very off putting pink, the wallpaper was a far too bright shad of orange, and the curtains were a matching pink and orange paisley. The room was small too, a double bed, two bed side tables, a lamp, a bathroom and that was it. "So…" Roger said hesitantly. I looked away form the carpet- my future bed- to Roger. "Do you want to get some lunch before the first play?"

"Yeah, sure."

We were fighting. I guess that is what you could call it. I mean, we weren't in the sense fighting, seeing as how we weren't talking to each other. Needless to say we didn't really like each other at the moment. And we were both trying too hard to pretend that we didn't care. However we did have an unsaid truce well we were watching the plays. Every time the slightest thing funny happened we would turn to see if the other was laughing. Then we'd look away stony faced. The plays were amazing though! God, I swear there are times that I could just live in the theater. We saw three. Twelfth Night, my new favorite play, The Tempest, I didn't really get it but it was cool, and the classic tragedy Macbeth.

It was dark by the time we left and cold as ever. I was not look forward to going back to the hotel. While there I notice that it had little to no heat.

"What did you think of Macbeth?" Roger tried to start a conversation. I only shrugged. He stopped dead in his tracks, I kept going until Roger's hand wrapped around my arm pulling me back and practically slamming me into him. "Mark," He was standing way too close to me, we were only inches apart. "Would you please tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." I breathed in little more then a whisper. My throat felt like it was squeezing up; I could barely move at all.

"Don't give me that shit. There is. Does it have something to do with Jim?"

"No." And that was the truth. Much to my surprise Jim had been staying away from me. The name calling was still going on but the physical abuse had seemed to have stopped and I was thankful for it.

"Is it something I did?" There was concern in his eyes when I could not answer him right away. What could I say? Yes it is something you did. This is all your fault. You being your perfect self, you making me fall for you. No, it wasn't his fault, it was mine.

"Roger…" I started off slowly.

"Roger!" I was interrupted. I looked behind me to see Maureen fast approaching. What the hell was she doing here? She practically bumped me out of the way to throw herself around him. It made my heart clench to see how tightly her arms held him, how her head was buried in his shoulder. "What are you doing here?"

"We just came out to see some plays."

"So did we! Oh, I can't believe we haven't seen each other yet." She then turned to me. "Mark!" She gave me a little hug. I was stunned, she hasn't said a thing to me all year. "Oh, how are you doing, it's been soooo long we really need to catch up. I never see you around."

"Um, I'm in the play, remember?"

"Oh yeah, sorry I forget sometimes." I wanted to say, yeah forgetting me never seemed to be a problem for you, but I didn't. I just smiled.

"Come on Honey Bear I'm starving." I looked past Maureen to see Joanne, Mimi and a few other of Roger's friends.

"I'll be right there! Hey do you want to come, we were just about to eat." I then noticed that we were standing out side a diner.

"Yeah sure," before Roger got to say anything else Maureen put her arm around him once more, dragging him inside. The rest fallowed him, but Mimi she stayed looking at me.

"You coming too, Mark?" I liked Mimi. I didn't hang around her very much but whenever she was around she was nice to me.

"Ah, you what I'm pretty tired I think I'm gonna turn in early."

"Okay, Merry almost Christmas." And she went inside. I stood there for a moment or two watching Roger laughing with his friend. I loved that silly grin he made when he laughed. Slowly I started to head back to the Hotel, walking past the smiling families and happy couples feeling alone in the world.


	10. Or maybe not so Lonely?

"December 24th, 9:00 pm Eastern standard time" I said into my camera. "I can't tell you exactly what Roger's up to right now. But I'm sure he's having a better time then I am." I did a full shot of the room "Lovely isn't? And folks if you think that's nice you should see my bed." I paned to the pillow and blanket on the dusty floor. I was already in my pajamas, and really was planning on going to bed early but first I felt like spending a little quality time with my camera. It was really just me rambling about how Christmas was suppose to be the happiest time of year, and even though I don't celebrate it, it would be nice to have that warm and fuzzy feeling that's portrayed on TV specials like Charlie Brown. I feel like shit at the moment. I was sick of rambling now, what was I going to use this for anyway?

I put my camera away, turned off the lights and cocooned myself in my little blanket. God it was cold, I was literally shaking and hugging my arms to my chest for warmth. Suddenly the ceiling light came on again blinding me and I jumped up.

"What the fuck is your problem!" My eyes took a second to adjust to the light before I saw Roger shutting the door behind him. "Why are you on the floor?"

"I don't know, and would it kill you to let me have a good nights sleep?"

"Why did you ditch me?" He sounded angry.

"I didn't ditch you."

"Did so."

"Look, would you just let me sleep?"

"Not until you talk to me."

"Well I don't want to talk until a sleep." I said firmly.

"At least get off the floor."

"I don't like hotel beds."

"You'll freeze your ass off." When I didn't say anything he started to nudge me with his foot. "Get up!" he wined. "Get up, Get up, Get up, Get uuuup!"

"If I get in the bed will you stop talking?"

"Yes." He put his hand over his heart.

"Fine." I stood, whipped the dust bunnies off my pillow, doubled up the blankets and got in. I lay there very stiff taking up about a quarter of the bed. It wasn't much warmed then the floor.

"I'll be right there." I looked over to see Roger changing right there and quickly averted my eyes. He turned off the ceiling light and on the little lamp on the side table. I didn't see the point of it, it was so dim. I lay there for several minutes with Roger not making a sound. Then I felt the bed shift.

"Mark," Roger whispered almost timidly. "Mark?" this time he said it right in my ear. I could feel his breath on my neck; it made a shiver dance down my spine.

"What?" My voice cracked. Damn.

"What did I do?"

"_Nothing_." I repeated. "And I thought you said you were going to stop talking?"

"I lied."

"Of course." I croaked.

"It's just, you listen to all my shit, why can't I listen to yours?" I sighed and held my position, I didn't plan on budging. "Can I say something then? Remember yesterday when I called and wanted to tell you something? And I said that thing about the tights? Well, that wasn't what I wanted to say." My heart started beating a little harder. Where was he going with this? "What I wanted was to ask was if you also remembered that time you saw my cut and I said that a cat did it? Do you?"

"Yeah," I was uneasy by the fear in Roger's voice and his proximity.

"Well it wasn't a cat, I cut myself." His voice went a little hollow.

"On what?" I blurted just as I realize what he meant. I sprang up and a feeling like my stomach had fallen out of my body washed over me. Roger was sitting very close to me, he wore only pajama pants that were too big and hung very low on his hips. I'd be lying if I said this didn't turn me on, but at that moment I was filled with too much alarm to think about it. "Roger?" my voice softened. "H-how long have you been doing this?"

"On and off for a bit." He choked. I wanted to reach out and touch him but I wasn't sure how to do it in a purely friendly way, so I didn't. Roger was looking down away from me; there looked to be tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"It probably doesn't make any sense."

"Does anything?" He laughed a little, which made me happy.

"It started when I was going through really bad withdraw. I don't know, to take my mind off it or to make me feel something. And then there are times when I start freaking out and craving, or if I get caught up thinking about…" He paused as if he was debating whether he should tell me or not. "what happen to April." He rested his forehead on his knuckles and then started pawing at his hair. "It did make me feel a bit better, but now, not so much."

"When was the last time you did it?"

"A few weeks ago, that's what those scars were from."

"Oh…" I wasn't really sure what to say. Roger slowly put his head back up, his eyes were still a bit misty.

"Ya know, you're the only person I've even told that to." He said with a bit of a smile.

"Why?"

"I guess it's just because…" Roger groped for words "Since I've met you I noticed I haven't been doing it as much… You're a really good friend, Mark. Thanks."

"No problem. You going to be okay?" Roger looked me right in the eye and smiled broadly.

"I think I'll been fine. Well, now that I think about I'm not so sure."

"Why?"

"You're my best friend Mark, and you don't feel comfortable about talking to me about your little crisis." He was grinning and I wasn't sure if he was serious or not. "Come on what is it? Are you cutting too?"

"No."

"Did you fail something?"

"No"

"Did you get a tattoo and now your mom's all pissed at you?"

"No."

"Erectile dysfunction?"

"NO!"

"Then what?" I had to say something, Roger just told me his secret.

"Well…It's just sometimes the fact that you're my only friend bugs me. Not that you're not great, but it's kind of a hard hit to the self esteem when only one person like you." This was true in part.

"Well you should have just said so!" Oh, thank God he believed me. "Look, I was asked to Christmas dinner tomorrow by the guys they wouldn't mine if you came long. Oh, and I'm not asking you to come I'll telling you."

"Okay. Can I sleep now?" I chuckled.

"Is there something else you want to say?" Roger raised his eyebrow.

"No," my voice quivered. Damn he didn't believe me!

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You know I'm not dropping this. I know you too well. But yeah we can do this tomorrow." Roger then put his arms around me which made my heart just about stop. My first thought was to push him off but I couldn't bring myself to. He was warm and smelt like an unnamable intoxicating spice. Just as quickly as he had done it he pulled away suddenly. I was happy for this though, I didn't want him to feel my body's reaction to the hug. "Thanks again."

"You're welcome. Good night."

"Night." Roger turned off the light and was silent. I lay on my side trying to forget that we were sharing a bed at all. Still, my heart didn't feel as heavy as it had. I was touched by what he had told me. He called me his best friend. I was his best friend. I guess I could settle for that.


	11. Christmas Gifts

**Author's note**: Hope you like this chapter, in which Mark finds out another interesting fact about Roger. Nothing sad this time.

"Mark!" A pillow came thudding down on my head. "Time to get up!" He hit me with it again.

"If I open my eyes," I groaned "To fine that it's an ungodly hour it the morning, I swear I will kill you."

"Don't worry it's ten." I sat up and quickly put on my glasses. Judging by the amount of light seeping through the closed curtain it did look to be about ten. This was odd, I usually never slept past nine. I then took a look at Roger who was fully dressed (Thank God), and holding a bunch of bananas, a box of Captain Crunch, and a carton of milk. Which he threw down on my lap.

"What is this?" I took the items off me and got up to find something warmer to put on.

"It's breakfast."

"Yay!" I cheered weakly as I found what I needed and disappeared into the bathroom. When I got out I saw that Roger was flipping threw the channels on a TV that was resting on the floor. "Ah… Was there always a TV in here?"

"No, but there was in the next room down." I opened my mouth in shock.

"Roger are you saying that you stole a TV set from another room?"

"No," He sounded offended. "I'm borrowing it. I'll put it back tonight."

"How did you even get in the room without the key?"

"Oh, that doesn't really matter. Here," He gave me a bowl of cereal, which I took with my one free hand. The other was busy concealing something behind my back. "Merry Christmas."

"And where did you get these bowls and spoons?"

"That doesn't matter either."

"But did you-"

"Look, the TV's a little Christmas gift to myself, and I promise I'll put it back, so don't worry."

"Hey, that reminds me." I took the brown paper package out from behind my back and held it out to him. "Merry Christmas to you." His face fell a little bit when he took it from me.

"Ah thanks."

"What is it?"

"It's just I feel like a bit of a jerk, I didn't get you anything. You know because you don't-"

"That's fine. I never gave anyone a Christmas gift before, so I thought why not." I smiled watching him unwrap it. He turned it over in his hands a few times and then grinned that grin I loved so much. It was a new copy of Shakespeare's sonnets, just like the old worn one he'd checked out of the library about a million times.

"Aw, you remembered."

"How could I forget, you never put that book down. I thought I'd just save you the pain of library fees."

"Thanks. Come sit with me I want to show you something." I took a seat on the floor next to him and began to dig into my food. "Why would a snowman wear a vest?"

"What?" He pointed to Rudolph on the TV.

"What does he need a vest. It's not like he's cool."

"Maybe he wants to be fashionable? If you were a snowman wouldn't you want to be fashionable?"

"I still don't like it. A talking snowman…" he scoffed

"This whole show's about talking reindeer, what do you expect?" We spent the next hour laughing our asses off at the classic cartoon, over things like how sexist the male reindeer were and whether that Elf was my great grandfather.

"It makes sense though!" Roger argued.

"It does not!"

"Yeah, okay, you're both blond, both annoying as hell some times, both wear ugly clothes-

"I don't wear ugly clothes." I looked down at my favorite blue and red sweater.

"And you both don't like Santa-"

"You're crazy."

"Ah, yeah." As the credits rolled Roger and I both grabbed a banana.

"Hey if you could have any Christmas gift in the world, what would it be?" You, was course the first thing that came to my mind.

"Inspiration for the perfect film." Roger laughed at me.

"That's lame."

"Why is that lame?"

"I mean I want to fine inspiration to write a sound, but a gift shouldn't be about work."

"Whatever, that's what I'm going with. What about you?"

"Hmm," Roger thought deeply. "A…hot Latino stripper, with too much eye liner and all night." He chuckled. "Or," He suggestively eyed the banana he was unpeeling "Some Greek guy with a great dick. Either way I'm good." I gasped sending a piece of half chewed banana down my throat. I coughed and had to bang on my chest a few times to get it down.

"What's wrong? Are you upset that my gift would be better then yours."

"No," I coughed again. "I just wasn't expecting that."

"What? Greek guys are hot." I gazed at him as wide eyed as a deer in head lights. He chewed his piece a fruit looking at me as if to say what? "Oh, yeah." He swallowed "I'm bi. Did I not tell you?" All my limbs seemed to go limp like they were full of sand. My head was spinning as well. I shook my head slowly. "I don't mean to alarm you but you're starting to look like a lobster." He was right I could feel the blood going to my cheeks. I tried to speak but not air would come out. "Mark, does this news upset you?" I mouthed the word no.

"Then what's with-"

"I think I might be-" We said at the same time. I froze. Why did I say anything at all? There was a long pause as we looked at each other with equally shocked expressions. Then Roger's face split into an evil smile.

"Does that have something to do with what's been going on with you lately?" I nodded my heart pounding in my ears. "You think you might be…bi?" I felt like my breathe was being pulled out my lungs. Oh God it was all coming out in the open.

"Yes." Fearfully I managed. I waited for his reaction.

"Cool." he said as if it was nothing and then went back to his banana. My frozen stage was over, now I wanted to talk to him about everything. Well almost everything.

"Wait! You're bi!" I gasped.

"Yeah… so are you. So what?"

"No, It's just I don't really know- well I know that I am- but I don't know how!"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know how to by Bi?"

"What do you mean?" Roger looked puzzled.

"You know… I'm just not sure how it all works." He laughed.

"Well, in my adventures with both sexes, I would say that it's pretty much the same."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I guess the sex is a little different but other then that." I blushed some more at the idea of Roger having sex. "You've never had a relationship with another man?" I shook my head.

"I've never been with anyone but Maureen." I said a bit sadly.

"Do you miss her still?" Roger voice lost it's laugher as he said this.

"I don't miss her. I miss having someone though." I sighed. Roger opened his mouth about to speak but was cut off by a loud knock on the door.

"Chestnuts roasting…" A man sang even louder from outside.

"Collins!" Roger sprang up to get the door. I sat there still in shock about what just happened.


	12. Scalding Hot

**Author's Note**: Hey so I wrote this sort of fast, I hope it's still good. (I wrote this in like the middle of the night) Anyway how's the story going so far? I would really like to know. Please R&R, and Enjoy!

"Why are they here again?" I gestured at Collins and Angel, who were walking ahead of us.

"Ah, Festival?" Roger stated the obvious.

"I didn't know Collins was into Theater."

"He's not, but he does love The Christmas Carol." Roger passing me a piece of paper with an ad for your next play.

"You think there'd be more Christmas plays showing." I mused to myself.

"Well it's either this or the Nutcracker, so I think we made the right choice."

"Come on boys, were going to be late!" Angel called back to us. They were getting far ahead now.

"Why didn't they just come with us?"

"I don't know…Collins likes to make an entrance." Roger smiled at the sight of the two running into the Theater holding hands. "I think they make a good couple, don't you?"

"Yeah…Collins knows about Angel right?"

"Oh yeah, He's in to that kind of thing. See Mark," Roger draped his arm over my shoulder. "relationships are all the same, it doesn't matter if you're a guy, a girl, or both. All that matters is if you make each other happy…and how good you are in bed. That too."

"Wow, you're quite the love expert today."

"Well 'Tis the season."

"Since when is Christmas the season of love?"

"Everyday's a season of love when you're with the right person." He sighed dreamily. My heart fluttered but I just ended up laughing at him.

"You've been reading too much poetry."

"Well it's your fault. Also Collins and Angel are coming to Dinner too."

"Are they?"

"And so are you." Roger poked me in the chest.

"What if they don't want me there?"

"Then screw them, I want you there. You can be my guest."

"What an honor." I rolled my eyes.

"Shut up."

Being Jewish, for me Christmas day was not about gathering around a larger decorated tree with my family. Growing up it was about me staying in bed all day watching cartoons in my frosty the snow man pajamas. I love how pretty much every TV show had a Christmas special. They were always my favorite for some reason. Everyone seemed to come together and just be happy. Their was a peace about Christmas that I liked very much. I found that peace today, whenever Roger smiled at me, which was a lot. It was weird but gave me hope. I relished every second of it. On the other hand maybe he was just really happy. Friends smile at friends a lot, right? The tug of war of my mind was back.

Before I knew it we were entering that diner we had pasted yesterday. I was nerves at first but calmed when I saw that the only people waiting for us were Maureen, Joanne and Mimi. While they were all busy hugging Miss Angel and joyously asking her why she was there, I seized the moment to talk to Roger.

"Ah, Roger," he looked at me wide eyed like I had just pulled him out of deep thought. "About last night,"

"I don't want to talk about it." His smile had changed to a troubled frown.

"But I was wondering-"

"We'll talk later." He went to greet Maureen.

I swear that Roger is fucking bipolar some times. He'd be fine and fun to be around, and then he'd just slip into one of his moods. He was ignoring me most of the night. Maybe he was just showing me how annoying it was so I wouldn't do it anymore. Besides Roger being a bit of a jerk, this was one of the best nights of my life. Though I'd never spent more then twenty minutes with Joanne, Mimi and Collins we hit it off instantly. We all did, it was like we'd known each other all our lives, like we were family. While Collins and Angel were singing loudly to the Christmas songs play through the restaurant, Joanne and I got to talking, And, despite all reason we actually got along very well. We must have spent a good hour swapping stories about Maureen. Speaking of Maureen, I didn't mind being around her today. I wasn't sure if this was because I had moved on or because she was drunk out of her mind.

"Aren't you going to step in and say something, Miss Angel?"

"I told you we're not in school, just call me Angel. And step in about what?" I pointed to Maureen getting yet another glass of wine.

"The under age drinking?"

"Honey, It's Christmas, I'm just going turn the other way." She laughed.

"Ah, lighten up," Collins added "You could use a drink you're lookin' a little up tight."

"Any reason?" Feeling I bit more comfortable with Angel I nodded towards Roger, who was once again –along with Joanne- trying to pealing Maureen off of him. "Ah," She grinned "What's going on with you two?"

"It's not all that important, it's just we had a bit of a fight type thing but," I really didn't feel like explaining the whole thing. "It doesn't really matter." I looked down at my camera pretending there was something wrong with it.

"Well I'm sure you two will make up soon." She must have noticed the sad look on my face because her voice softened even more.

"Dance with me! Dance with me Pookie!" Maureen yelled across the room as an upbeat song come on.

"That boy really cares about you, you know."

"Isn't that the truth." Collins gigged "He never shuts up about you at home."

"Really?" I asked half heartedly.

"Oh, yes. You know this one time, it was awhile ago, he came into my office telling me about that bully hitting you with a book, and he asked me if there was anything he could do to help you." I perked up a bit.

"Really?" I asked whole heartedly. "What did you say to him?"

"Well I said that there wasn't much he could do. But I did suggest that maybe he keeps close to you some times. You know, strength in numbers. Best suggestion I ever made, now look at you two!"

I felt like I was going to be sick as a sudden realization popped in my head. Was that the only reason that Roger started hanging out with me? He wanted to protect me? At first I thought that it couldn't be true. But the more I thought the more it made sense. Roger didn't like me at all at first, and then suddenly he want to be my friend. This angered me. I looked about, most of the people-though there were only a few- were dancing in a space cleared of tables. Roger was dancing with Mimi. Now I was going to be sick. I had gotten my hopes up for nothing. I wasn't sure if I was madder at Roger or me. Everything, all my sadness I had two days ago over this came flooding back. Tears were prickling in my eyes. Slowly I stood on wobbly legs. Joanne and Maureen were dancing by the front door, so a snuck my way towards the back door.

"Mark!" someone called me. My hands found the door and I pushed it open, I was now sanding in an ally way. The cold hit me hard; it was snowing.

"Mark," The door squeaked open again. It was Roger. "Where are you going?"

"Back to the hotel."

"Again! Come on don't be a spoil sport, come back you don't want to be alone on Christmas."

"Well maybe I do!" I snapped. "Maybe I want to be alone, I might as well, I'm going to be alone from now on!" Roger looked taken a back by this. So was I.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you just go back in there to Mimi?"

"Why would I do that?"

"You seemed to be enjoying her company."

"What's that supposed to mean?" his voice was rising too now.

"Just go back in and leave me alone."

"Oh, so when I want to talk you, you no longer want to talk to me, Great!" He threw his arms in the air in frustration.

"You're the one who didn't want to talk earlier." I started to walk away and he pulling me back as he had the night before.

"Why are you being so difficult?"

"Because I'm pissed off!" I screech at him. I wasn't mad at him away more but of felt like yelling.

"Why?"

"Is the only reason you're here because you felt sorry for me?"

"What?" Roger looked at me like I was nuts.

"Is the only reason you started to talk to me because you felt bad about me being bullied!" I let it out.

"What!" His face was almost red. He was the angry one now. "Why the fuck would you ever think something like that!"

"You know it's true!" I wanted to make him angry. I wanted to never see him again so I could put these emotions to rest.

"After everything, after what I said last night, you think that that's why I'm here? Because I pity you!" His searched my face for an answer.

"Yes. I and don't want to be friends with someone who pity's me!" I tried to leave again, he grabbed me again.

"Don't go, that's not true!"

"Then tell me then," I looked him right in the eye. "Why did you go from not wanting anything to do with me to wanting me around?"

"I didn't know!"

"Why are you sticking around now?"

"I don't…" His eyes were pleading. "I…"

"I'm leaving." Roger then grabbed me again, this time by the back of the neck and crushed his lips down on mine. My heart stopped. I was dead. Was I dead? Yes, I had to be, this couldn't be real. I was light headed and almost fainted. My leg gave way I would have fallen if not for Roger's other arm pressing me tight to his chest. Roger's lips were softer then even I imagined. They moved over mine with ease. I was still shocked and didn't move. Slowly he pulled away. There was hurt in his eyes by my little response, but there must had been something in my face that said I wanted this more then anything, because our mouths were together again seconds later.

I was now kissing him back with all the power I could. Roger bit my lower lip softly before sliding his tongue into my mouth. It was a utopia I had never dreamed of. Roger was _very_ passionate, he was sucking the air out of my lungs, he was crushing my body against his. We had to brake for air.

"Because I've been wanting to do that since that moment I saw you." He gasped, "Because I want you, because I need you, because you're so damn beautiful."

"Roger…" I breathed in disbelief before his lips came down again. We stood there kissing tenderly, arms around each other for God knows how long. The night was cold but we were scalding hot.

**READ:** hey so sadly I'm going away for a summer job. (Yay) It's like a month long and the whole time I won't be able to get to a computer…so the stories going to stay here for awhile. (Not Yay) The story's not over though, much more will come…I will update as soon as I get back!


	13. Out in the Open

**Author's Note:** I'm back! I'm Back! YAY! I'm so happy I've been wanting to ad to this forever! I hope you like where I left it! So much suspense! What will happen to the Boho boys next? Read and Enjoy!

There was a loud clanging noise on the other side of the door and the sound of drunken voices. Roger and I snapped apart quickly as if we had been shocked. Just in time too, seconds later the door swung open and Maureen stumbled out. She swayed and then clung to me for support.

"I love your scarf!" she giggled before trying to walk down the ally, singing loudly.

We gazed at each other, both red in the face trying to process what had just happened. Millions of words were running though my head, but the only thing I could get to come out were clouds of my breathe. What should I do? What was I supposed to say? I wanted to ask Roger a thousand questions, which wasn't very likely to happen. A, because I was speechless, and B because he looked almost as lost as I was.

"Honeybear!" Joanne came storming out, chasing after Maureen, fallowed by Collins, and Angel who looked a bit tipsy herself.

"She doesn't look to good." She pointed to Maureen who was now throwing up behind a dumpster. "We should get her home."

"Right. You good to drive?" Collins chuckled.

"Do I look alrighttadriv." Angel slurred.

"Okay, I'll get you guys home. Hey." He slapped Roger on the shoulder "Help me bring the van around, man."

"Ah, yeah sure." Roger came back to Earth and walked around the front of the restaurant. Just before turning the corner he glanced back at me with an unreadable face. My body and mind felt hopelessly unattached. I walked, got our bags for the hotel, helped to pack up the van (one that Collins 'acquired' for the trip), and weakly joined in on a conversation with Mimi and Joanne. But all the while my mind was still spinning miles above.

Before I knew it we were all in the van headed home. In the very back seat Maureen was sprawled out asleep with Joanne who was reading. In the middle there was a line up of Angel, who was chatting away, Mimi, who also sleeping, and Me. Collins was driving and talking to Angel, Roger sat shot gun. Both of us were silent as the grave.

I was fighting with myself again. Wondering if that really just happened. Was it a dream? No, no it couldn't be, I recalled everything too well. The softness of his leather jacket, his smell, the power behind those kisses. Happiness suddenly started to flow through me. I kissed Roger. I kissed Roger Davis. My best friend, sexy rock god Roger Davis. No, wait Roger kissed _me_. He said that he wanted _me_. Roger wanted me! God, this couldn't be real. Were together now? Where would we go from here? I wasn't sure if I was overjoyed and frightened.

The drive went by far too fast, time it self seemed to be in a whirl wind. The cold stung my face as I stepped out in front of my house.

"Mark," Collins beckoned. I leaned down to the window on Roger's side. He kept his eyes on the floor. "I might be having a little New years party, and your coming whether you like it or not." He grinned.

"That sounds great, I'll be there." I turned to leave.

"Goodnight." Roger whimpered weakly.

"Goodnight." Our eyes met just as the van started to pull away.

My body felt like a thousand pound weight as I flopped down on my bed. I couldn't move, only lay there, stare at the ceiling and try to stop thinking. There were too many emotions running through me. Worry, would Roger reject me? Doubt, did Roger really feel the same way about me as I did about him? Excitement, would we form a relationship? Concern, what would happen if people found out about this relationship? Lust, his body against mine felt so good. It almost killed me to be ripped away.

Another thought popped in my head. I had just kissed a man; that was my first time kissing a man… and I loved it. It was the best kiss that I had ever had. Not that I had kissed a lot of people. Roger was the third person I'd ever kissed. I was amazing though, I couldn't help but replay it over and over in my mind. It was much better then any kiss that I'd shared with Maureen. I lay there for some time letting my imagination run wild with thoughts of Roger going mad with passion.

I woke up at about noon the next morning. The whole day seemed to be under a lazy spell. I wasn't planning on doing anything but watching TV, doing some reading, and sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring. It didn't. Not once all day. I was a little upset at first before remembering that Roger was probably tired. The next day I ventured outside, did a bit of shopping and took advantage of the boxing day sales. I came home with more sweaters and scarves then I needed. I couldn't help myself though; they were my favorite articles of clothing. Still no calls. That was odd, we always talked everyday. Did he not want to talk to me?

By the next night I was very upset. That was it. He didn't want to see me. Everything that we had was over. I wanted to cry, but then told myself that I was overreacting. Just then, in the mid of my melancholy the phone rang. I practically tripped over myself trying to get to it.

"Hello?" I held my breathe.

"Mark?" It was Maureen. Wonderful. "Are you there?"

"Yeah, how's it going?"

"Good. I was wandering if you could do me a favor?" Of course.

"Sure, what is it?" Why the hell did I say yes? Helping her was the last thing a wanted to do right now.

"I'm performing at a bar tomorrow night and I was wondering if you could film it?"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Roger said the video of us at that coffee house was really good."

"Oh."

"Will you do it?"

"Yeah of course." She gave me the location and hung up.

Despite my unhappiness I found myself walking through the doors of a place I'd never heard of until yesterday. I was glad that I was able to get in easily even though I was under age. I had arrived just in time, there was a large crowd formed, and Maureen's yet to be named band was about to start. Roger was there, looking absolutely delicious wearing a black turtle neck and plaid pants that hugged his body perfectly. I wanted to walk up to him or at least wave so to make myself known. But I didn't, they seemed to be busy and I still wasn't sure what to say.

So I let them get on with the show, let Roger melt me with his voice. I felt like a giggly teenaged girl foolishly swooning over a rock star. Speaking of which there were a lot of screaming fangirls in the front row. I figured they were there for Roger seeing as how they yelled ten times louder for him then Maureen. I smiled to myself for a moment smug with the fact that I had kissed those lips and they hadn't. Then, feeling a bit bitchy, sank back into my anxiety about him. I let his rough, edgy, voice sooth me a bit though. I couldn't help but be a bit happy listening to him sing. When it came time for his own solo, a slow rock ballad, I was left breathless, like the first time I heard him sing. Mid way through the song his eyes connected with mine. His voice hitched a little when he saw me but he continued on.

Over all the show was awesome. I got some really good shots, mostly of Roger, hopefully Maureen wouldn't mind. When it was done she was greeted by a large circle of admirers. Roger helped pack up some equipment then slowly descended from the stage. He looked _so_ good… That's it, I lost my nerve. I was far too frightened by what-if anything- he might say. Slowly I slipped through the crowd and out the door with out anyone seeing. It was now very dark out. I wasn't looking forward to the long walk home.

"Hey!" I whipped around to Roger coming out of the door, pulling on his leather jacket. He caught up to me. "You didn't think I was going to let you run away again didn't you?" There was silence as we took a good look at each other. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Maureen wanted me to do some filming…"

"Oh, cool. She's still here if you wanted to talk to her."

"No, I was just heading home." I looked awkwardly down at my feet.

"Can I come too?" Roger smiled sheepishly.

"Of course." I was glad not to be alone in the dark anymore, though this was not the best walk we'd ever had. There was a lot of awkward silence.

We took a short cut through a park not too far from my house. The night seemed so much cozier now. With the near by street lamps and the light snow descending over the town.

"It's beautiful here." I muttered to myself.

"It is." Roger looked up into the sky. "Mark," there was faint urgency in his voice. "Can we talk?" I filled my lungs with the clod air and then said 'Sure' as calmly as I could. We sat on a near by bench. I leaned back, Roger rested his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands together.

"Mark," he started again, "About the other night," he breathed.

"Yeah," I whispered, my heart beating out of my chest.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I'm really sorry" A numb wave spared over me. Oh, God. It was a mistake. Our relationship was finished. He kept his eyes on the ground. "I shouldn't have jumped the gun like that. It was wrong of me."

"Oh," I put my head down

"I just," he struggled. "I was angry because you were upset, and I didn't want you to go so bad, I didn't know what else to do… and I've been wanting to do that for so long." My head shoot up, I looked at him awestruck. "And I didn't even think to ask if you were okay with it. I feel terrible; I didn't want my feelings to mess up our friendship."

"Your feelings." I gasped.

"Yeah." He raised his head, finally keeping eye contact. He grinned; My heart fluttered. "I meant what I said, and you _are_ beautiful even with those ugly-ass sweaters." With the sudden joy and realization of what he was saying hitting, I could care less about that last bit. "So I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, it won't happen again."

"No!" I stopped him. "I-I feel the same." He looked taken aback, in a good way. "I didn't say anything, I didn't think you thought of me that way."

"I've always thought about you that way." Slowly he reached his hand over to take mind. I could feel myself blushing as he moved a little closer. I started to laughed, we both did, at how we were hiding things that didn't need to be hid. I could have cried I was so happy. "I'm so bad at this…I don't really known how to begin…"

"That's okay." I reassured him. "Nether do I."

"So…here we go."

"Yeah," I smirked.

"Let's take things slow, though. Do you mind?"

"Not at all." I squeezed his hand.

"Wonderful." He sighed "So, can I finish walking you home."

"I'd like that."

No night had ever seemed as beautiful as this one. It was flawless. Though we were still mostly silent, it was a comfortable silence. We stopped when we reached my street.

"I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" he kissed my cheek before walking away.


	14. Kiss it Better

The streets were filled with people, music and lights. Collins had decided to move his little New Years house party outside, and somehow convinced a least a quarter of the town to come. My mother thought that I was over at a friend's house, doing quiet non-partying type things. She wouldn't have approved of this. Everyone was going wild. Well, I wasn't really going wild per se, but I was greatly enjoying filming everyone else. It was like we had started our own little festival. Roger and Maureen were once again belting their voices through the night, Angel was backing them up with her make sift drum set, with Mimi dancing along to the beat. Collins talked with all the friends and strangers gathered around. I was surprised how open and friendly everyone was…perhaps it was because they were drunk.

I took little breaks from my filming to let loose. Though I had made a point up to now never to dance in public, I tried it. I was too joyous to care about what people thought. It was New Year's Eve and I felt like having fun. For the first time in a long time I was light and gitty. This mostly had to do with Roger and his confession about his feelings. Something I still found unbelievable. Though we hadn't spent any time alone since that night, it was still lovely to have everything out. We smirked or nodded with understanding every time we looked at each other.

It was seconds to midnight, and I had put away my camera to dance with Joanne. We ended up having a lot of fun. She showed me how to tango. I can recall learning a long time ago, but I had sense forgotten. In mid dance I was tapped on the shoulder, I spun around to see Maureen.

"What are you trying to do Mark? Steal my woman?" She laughed and took my place, but stopped quickly; it was time for the countdown. When one was hit everyone went nuts, throwing confetti or anything else they could find in the air and cheering. "Happy New Year baby!" Maureen grabbed Joanne and planted a huge kiss on her. I smiled, it was nice to see them happy. Sadly there were others that didn't feel the same way. Several people gawked at them with disapproving looks. I could hear their murmuring.

"Oh my God!"

"That's disgusting."

"Hey, look at the dykes."

Luckily they didn't hear them, but still my heart sank. Why were people so upset about this? Couldn't they see that they made each other happy? Wasn't that all that muttered? Just then someone grabbed my hand, it was Roger.

"Happy New Year." He smiled down at me, and then started to move a bit closer as if for a kiss.

"Hey!" I stopped him. "When's our next rehearsal?" I said a bit too fast.

"Ah… next week some time? Why?"

"I was just wandering." I looked down not wanting him to know why I really asked that.

I realized that 'taking it slow' was in its own way very satisfying. The few moments that we were alone were spent with us simple holding hands, or sitting on the couch with Roger's arm around me. We had not kissed again though, I wasn't sure if that was good or bad. Most of the time we were together the gang was with us to. We had formed our own little family consisting of us, Mimi, Angel, Collins, Maureen and Joanne. I had asked Roger not to tell them- or anyone for that matter- about 'us'. Whatever us was, I still wasn't sure yet. Roger didn't mind thank the lord.

Next to come were the busy few weeks of nonstop studies that lead to first term exams. We saw each other even less. But finally after everything was done, when the stress of writing exams was replace with the stress of waiting for your marks, we got some time to be together.

My heart was racing as I prepared the house, I don't know why, it's wasn't like we hadn't done this like fifty times. But tonight felt special. Mother was gone again, going to spend time with her sisters. I think that was one of the best things about moving here (Not, _the_ best, the best part was meeting Roger), the fact that several nights a week she would go out with my aunts, leaving me alone with the house.

Everything seemed to be ready. I was fluffing the pillows when I heard him knocking. I ran to the door. He stood there awkwardly, looking a little bit disheveled.

"Hey." I beamed at him. He looked a bit tired and red around the eyes, but he seemed to be glad to see me. We made our way to the living room, as usual I rambled on as Roger only stood there.

"So there's nothing really on night. Do you mind if we just listen to some music?"

"No, that sounds great."

"Good." I hit play and let the music begin to fill the room. As I fixed the volume, I felt Roger's hands round my waist. He turned me around to face him. Roger studied my face for some time then pulled me tight to his chest. We wrapped our arm around each other, I'd never felt so warm and safe.

"I missed you this week." He said right into my ear. I shivered slightly and held him tighter.

"I missed you too." His arms slowly slid off me and he flopped down on the couch. "What is this, by the way?" he point to the stereo. I felt a little embarrassed for putting it on in the first place. It probably wasn't something he would have liked.

"Ah, it's Le Boheme. It's an opera. If you don't like it-"

"No, I do… it's really good. Come sit." I took my place beside him overjoyed but vaguely concerned.

"You okay, Rog?"

"Why wouldn't I be." He remarked weakly. We fixed our eyes on each other, Roger leaned forward a little but then stopped. Was he going to kiss me? Should I kiss him? One of my hand griped his, the other found it's way to his arm. I gave it a little affectionate squeeze.

"Ow." Roger pulled his arm away. I snapped out of the haze I was under.

"Roger!" My heart started to beat faster. Roger put his head down ashamed. "It's okay." I didn't let go of his other hand. "Can I see?" He wordlessly pulled up his sleeve to reveal two gashes. They looked fresh. I sighed in pain, at the thought of him in pain. I wanted to help him but was at the same time frighten. I didn't want to do anything that would hurt him.

"Sorry." He muttered.

"Don't be… Exam stress?" I questioned.

"I can't afford to fail anything."

"Do you do this most when you're stressed out?" with each word I felt more comfortable talking to him about this. He nodded. "Then the next time you get stress call me. We'll talk. Promise me, okay."

"The sounds nice." He smiled sadly.

"Have you ever thought about getting help with this?"

"I… I'm not ready yet." He said firmly.

"Okay. But I'm here for you. Remember that." His smile was more genuine now. I looked at those nasty scars, I wanted them to go and never come back. Suddenly, on an impulse, I took his arm, bent down and kissed them. One kiss on each scar. I wanted to kiss away the hurt. At first I felt stupid, until he chuckled warmly. His fingertips grazed my cheek, lifting my head upward. His lips pressed over mine so lightly, it was killing me. It was wonderful though, its softness was in much contrast to his last kiss.

"I know you're here, and I'll never forget it." He kissed me again.

"Oh," I held up a finger, listening.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. It's just this is my favorite song." We both listened.

"It's nice. What's it called?"

"Musetta's Waltz."


	15. Its Official

**Authors note**: Hello my beloved readers. Enjoooooy!

"And as he fell, did Romeo turn and fly. This is the truth or let Benvolio die." I painfully uttered my last lines and then exited the stage. That was it, I was done, I had finished my part in our last rehearsal. Now there was nothing to do but relax back stage, and then make a quick return at the end to bow. I blindly felt around, it was pitch black. As the next scene started, and Mimi entered, I found the corner at the very back that I liked to sit in. Just as I was about to make myself comfortable, someone banged into me.

"Ow!" we said in unison.

"Roger?" I whispered.

"Mark!"

"Shh!" we had to be quiet, so not to disturb the other actors.

"There you are, you did great."

"Thanks. I'm so nervous though," Tomorrow was opening night.

"You'll be fine." He pulled me close to him.

"What are you doing?" I was slightly panic stricken.

"No one can see us right now."

"Shh! They could hear us though."

"No they can't," He was probably right. For cretin scenes Angel had decided to add music for affect. Right now, for Romeo and Juliet's last scene together, they're was an eerily romantic, medieval melody playing very loudly. He held me tighter. "Come on, dance with me."

"What? No!"

"But we haven't danced together yet." He wined lowly. "And you're such a good dancer. I saw you with Joanne." I looked about. It was so dark I couldn't really make out anything. Maybe this wasn't so bad. I complied, sort of. Roger kept one of his hands around my waist, and took up my other, eading me into a over dramatic waltz. I laughed lightly as we swayed together. Roger tried to spin me a little, but due to the lack of light, sent me crashing into a prop box. I fell hard.

"Oh, fuck!" Roger cried a bit too loudly just as the music stopped. "Are you alright?" he helped me to my feet.

"Yeah,"

"Shh!" said another actor in the darkness.

"Sorry." We muttered. We didn't talk or move for the rest of the play. When the whole cast stepped out to take our bow, I realized in horror that I had a huge stain on my costume from Roger. He was covered in fake blood from his death scene and I was against him. Stupid me. Everyone looked at us as we stepped out too, as if to say 'what the hell'?

Back in the boys dressing room, safely behind a curtain, I took off my shirt to examine it.

"Hey," Roger poked his head through the sheets and hissed at me. I jumped and covered my bare chest.

"Roger! Go away…I'm indecent."

"You look pretty decent to me." He smirked.

"Go." He closed the curtain, but stayed there.

"Okay, but there's something I need to ask you."

"What?"

"Do you have any plans for tonight?"

"No…" I said suspiciously. "Why?"

"Because you do now."

"I do?" I was puzzled and having difficulty taking my tights off.

"Yeah, with me." I was flattered, but pretended to be annoyed.

"You know, you can't just always assume that I'm free. What if I did have plans?"

"You never have plans." Damn, he was right.

"So can I at least know what these plans are?"

"We have a date." My pulse quickened.

"What kind of date?" I chirped a little flirtatiously.

"You'll see."

When I was finished dressing I met Roger outside. No one was around, so I let him hold my hand. When we reached the restaurant, I let go, luckily he didn't question it. We took our sets in a small booth away from the other costumers. It was an Italian place with deep purple walls, giving it a cozy feel.

"Ya know," Roger said nibbling on some garlic bread. "I think this is our first official date."

"Not really," I pointed out "We've had plenty of date like times together."

"Yeah, but this place has got the 'date' feel. With the candles and spaghetti and all that shit."

"I guess," I toyed with my food.

"Mark, there's actually something I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?" I looked up at him, waiting for something terrible.

"Well, you remember how I said that I wanted to take things slow, right?"

"Yeah."

"And I guess I said that because… I haven't been in a relationship for awhile and I don't want to jump into anything that would end up being a…mistake." I wasn't sure where he was going with this.

"It's fine though, I don't mind it."

"No, that's the thing." His fingertips began to stroke my hand. I looked around without him noticing. "I don't really think we need to. I trust you. And I know I won't regret any of this." His eye were loving and overjoyed yet nervous. "I have something for you." He pulled a small box out of his pocket and handed it to me with great anticipation on his face.

"Oh, Rog," I was touched. "What for?"

"Valentine's day." I raised an eyebrow.

"Valentine's day isn't for like a week."

"I know…I just felt like celebrating early."

I grinned at him and opened the box. It was a necklace; a long black sting with a multicolored crystal hanging from it. It was red, blue and yellow, swirled together in different shapes and patterns. Roger had one some what like this. I remember admiring it a long time ago. I couldn't believe he remembered that.

"Oh, I love it!"

"Let me," Roger came closer to help me tie it around my neck. A waiter walked by us as we were doing this. He gave us a weird look. "There." He was done.

"It looks great," I ran my fingers over the smooth pill-shaped stone. "You really didn't have to do this though," I fussed.

"I wanted to, It's almost Valentine's Day and I just wanted to make my boyfriend feel special."

My heart skipped about five beats.

"What?" I gaped awestruck.

"Do you have something against that?"

"No…" My heart drum away in my chest, "It's just you…"

"I…what?"

"Called me your…" I paused hardly believing it. "boyfriend." Roger laughed me.

"Well, that's because you are my boyfriend." He stated simply.

"I am?" I was dazed.

"Of course you are." He put his hand on my knee, now right beside me. Oh My God. I was his boyfriend. Roger Davis' boyfriend!

"So…" I said not knowing how to word this without sounding stupid. "Does this mean you're my boyfriend?"

"No," Roger rolled his eyes "You're my boyfriend but I'm not your boyfriend. Yes, I'm your boyfriend!" Oh my God. Roger Davis was my boyfriend! "Its official, Mark Cohen I am your boyfriend, and you are mine. Which is why," he gripped my knee tighter. "We need to do more things like this."

"Things like what?"

"Dates… Taking you out." An alarm went off in the back of my mind. "I was thinking-"

"Or we could just stay in!" I cut him off. He looked puzzled. "I mean, I do like this, but not as much as when we stay in. You just can't beat a cozy night at home." In part this was true. "And we can spend time together, you know…alone. In private." I smiled hoping he didn't think I was crazy. I was at least expecting him to question me. He didn't. Instead he grinned from ear to ear and his eyes widened and lit up, like I had just made his day.

"That sounds fantastic." He whispered in a low smooth voice. His hand begin to slowly make its way up my leg. "Why don't we plan a special night in for Valentine's Day?"

"Yeah that would be nice." And I meant it. His hand brushed my thigh. My cheeks went red.

"I can't wait."


	16. Valentine's Day

**Auther's Note**: Hey, i hope so enjoy, The boy's relationship starts to heat up a little, so you have been warned (Not too too much though) :)

It was Valentines Day, and our fifth and final performance of Romeo and Juliet. So far all had gone rather well, apart from when Roger fell off the stage two nights ago, during his fight scene. Luckily he recovered by yelling "Damn thee Tybalt! You broke the forth wall!". The audience loved it. I was very pleased by the fact that I got all my lines bang on. Though I was happy that all our hard work was coming to a close, I would miss it.

The play was a totally triumph, Angel gave her little speech to the audience, as she always did, but this time was greeted with roses from Collins. We then gave her thunderous applause. And after it was over she went around to everyone, throwing her arms around them, telling them how good they did and that she would miss them. She meant it too. As I was helping to take down the set, Roger tapped me on the shoulder and trusted a single red rose at me. No one was watching; I took it.

"Happy Valentines Day."

"I told you not to get me anything else. Thanks though."

"I didn't get this for you. I nicked it off Collins."

"Roger!"

"What? He didn't care… We still on for tonight?"

"Of course."

"Okay," His eyes flashed with excitement "Come to my house at about… Well, when ever it gets dark."

"What? Why?"

"Because you need to come over when it's dark outside."

"Why?"

"You'll see. Just do it."

I did to. When I got home I had enough time to eat, take a shower, and fuss over and over about what I was going to wear. In fact I spent so long fussing, by the time I was done, I saw that I didn't need to wait for it to get dark, it already was. I walked as quickly as I could to his house, egged on by the cold and dark. I knocked on his door as loudly as I could, shaking a little. When he opened it I ran in so fast that I didn't even notice Roger. It wasn't until I took off my coat and turned that I took a good look at him. My jaw almost dropped. He looked _amazing. _He was wearing those black leather pants that I loved and a tight black tee shirt. His hair was a mess as well, amplifying his rocker look. He was looking me up and down as well.

"So..." he walked closer. "It's Valentines Day…be mine?"

"Yes. I'd love to." I said one hundred present positive.

"Great," he uttered almost breathlessly. "Let's celebrate."

"How?"

"Come on." He grabbed my hand taking me up stairs to his room.

"Wow." I realized why he wanted me to be there at night. Roger's room was house to a huge window, I had never taken much notice to it seeing as I'd always been there in the day. But now, it was night, the curtains were drawn letting the full moon bathe the room with light. I went to the window and gazed at the moon. " That's a romantic coincidence." I stared at it for some time, all the while Roger's eyes were fixed on me. He came up right behind me, pressed himself against me, and started to kiss the side of neck. Foolish me, finally clued in to how Roger wanted to celebrate. My legs began to feel like marshmallows.

"You look so good." He turned me around to face him.

"Oh?" I shrugged it off.

"No, I mean _really_ good." Not as good as you, I thought as he began to attack my lips with his, with an urgency he had the first time we kissed. Roger hugged me closer, and moved his mouth down to devour my neck. My mind was racing; I didn't know what to do. Maybe I could get him talking again. A part of me really wanted to stop. Another part really didn't.

"W-what type of good?" I mused not really thinking he was listening to me. "In the nerdy type of good that I am…o-or just like…normal good?" I went on as his kisses became harder. "Because I-"

"I think it's a 'I want to strip that sweater off you and fuck you' type of good." He growled into neck.

"Oh _god_." That almost floored me. I wasn't expecting it. My heart was beating uncontrollably now. I was trying so hard to think of what do. It was becoming very hard to think at all, I was in a haze of lust and fear. Before I knew it I was being pushed backward by Roger, I fell hard on his bed. I lay there, too nervous to move. He looked me up and down before claiming on top me. His weight felt so good over me. He went back to my lips now, sliding his tongue between them, kissing me deeply. All the while his hands running up and down my chest.

My head was still spinning. I can't do this. I can't. But god it was good. Stop! No, don't stop, please! I was fighting with myself yet again. Roger's hands now found there way up my sweater. His rough hands felt delightful over my bare skin. His left hand felt around my chest, the other found my nipple and started to tease it. I couldn't take much more of this. I lost my nerve when that devilish left hand made its way down to my zipper.

"Roger!" I put my hand on his chest pushing him away a little. Shocked and breathless he looked down at me. "I…ah… I just." Hmm, how to put this?

"Too much, too soon?" He tilted his head.

"No! Well, maybe." He slid off me, but still kept a hand on my waist as we lay beside each other. I was glad, I wanted to stay as close as I could.

"Sorry, I might have jumped the gun again."

"No, it's not that. It's just." He looked at me like he truly wanted to hear what I had to say. So I let it out. "I'm a virgin."

"Why did I not see that coming?" He chuckled, in a loving way.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing… You mean not even with Maureen?"

"No." I felt a little embarrassed.

"Well that's a first for her."

"So… you have, right?"

"Yes."

"And was it…"

"With men and women." Wonderful. At least he knew what he was doing.

"Look, I'm sorry for stopping but I just don't know…"

"It's okay." He gave me a quick kiss, as he cuddled close to me. "Wow…" he laughed to himself.

"What is it?"

"You know, this is the longest I've been in a relationship without having sex?" That made me feel great.

"Oh…"

"But that's sort of a good thing, because Mark," He looked at me intensely "I-I'm not great with wards, you not that, but," he laughed again. "I have never felt so strongly about anyone and… I don't care about waiting, its fine." That shocked me even more then his actions.

"Oh, Roger," I cupped the side of his face.

We laid in the moonlight, holding each other. Roger didn't take his eyes off mine.

"Why do you always stare at my like that?"

"No reason… your eyes, there…beautiful."


	17. Temptation and Tears

**Authors Note**: In this Chapter the boys have a little talk…and then there are some tears. Enjoy!

I was sitting on the floor next to my sofa leaning my head on one of the cushions. I wasn't quite sure why I had picked this position; it probably had something to do with how good Roger looked at this angle. He was sitting on my coach, legs folded under him, his guitar in hand. I loved listening to the melodies he could create out of nowhere and watching those magic fingers elegantly slide over the strings. I could have sat there forever.

Every once in awhile he would stop to jot down a few notes or lyrics in his note book. Roger was very determined to write a song. Though he had written a few, he would still pressure himself to write that one prefect song.

Roger stopped playing abruptly.

"Oh, why did you stop?" I yawned looking lazily up at him.

"I don't know, I think I'm done for tonight." He put his guitar down.

"Okay then." I got up to stretch my legs. I only was able to move about two steps before Roger grabbed me and sat me on his lap where his guitar had just been.

"So, how did you enjoy my playing, Mary?"

"Stop!" I laughed. He had been calling me that- in a playful way- since he found out I was a virgin.

"Why, it's not like it's a bad thing."

"Yeah, whatever." I rolled my eyes.

"There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. In fact," he raised his eyebrow. "I think it's kind of sexy."

"What?" I looked at him perplexed. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Could you just try and be romantic for a second. Picture this," he tried to set the scene for me. "A small town, nothing much going on, and then Bam! Two people from completely different worlds meet, and instantly they're mad with passion for each other!" I loved how romantic he could get some times. "One of them is the sweet, innocent milk maid, that's you-"

"Milk maid?"

"Yes."

"Why am I-"

"Who, is quite possibly the hottest piece of ass in town because, you're not only beautiful, but also is pure and untouched by the hands of man…and Maureen. See, it gives you a temping quality that drives me up the wall." He finished his little fantasy. I was still a bit confused.

"Okay, interesting. But who are you in all of this?"

"Well, I'm the big bad musician who's come to seduce you." He grinned. "How does that sound?"

"Really good actually." I kissed him.

"So…" he said as we pulled apart. "Do you mind me asking why exactly, you aren't really for sex? Not that it's a big deal-"

"No, it's okay." I didn't mind telling him, even though I wasn't one hundred percent sure myself. "I guess it's because I've never done anything like it before." It was true, I'd never even been naked in front of anyone. "And I'm nervous. Because…" I put my head down feeling foolish, and not knowing how Roger would react to this.

"What?"

"I don't really know what I'm doing and… what if you don't like it?"

"Is that all?" he laughed "Mark, trust me. I'm going to love it. Besides, don't worry about me. Just think about yourself."

"Well, I suppose that's not the biggest thing that's stopping me."

"Oh?"

"How does one know when they're ready for sex?" Roger enclosed his arm around me.

"I don't know…I guess it just has to feel right." He looked at me. "You'll know when it's time. And I'm ready when you are." He smiled. We made out softly, not for too long though. Soon my mother would be home and I had to usher him out for the night.

I reflected on what we had said that night as I lay trying hard to sleep. What was stopping me? I wanted him like hell, why did I not just go for it? Kissing him felt _so_ right. Did that mean that I was ready? One thing that kept running though my mind was the belief that sex should be an act of love. A true expression of two people's deep care for each other. There should be a love and understanding between the two people. Did we have that? Did I love Roger? Really _love_ him?

I noticed that the next day Roger was not at school. Not having him to sit with at lunch, I thought that I would go to see Angel. I missed having her as my director. My heart twisted in shock when I reached her classroom to see that it was completely empty. All the desks were pushed back and the colorful drama posters that covered the walls were gone. I looked around to see Mimi down the hall at her locker, eyes puffy from crying.

"Mimi?" I went down to her.

"Mark!" She hugged me. "Oh, it's terrible!"

"Are you okay? What's going on?"

"It's Angel… she was fired."

"What!" I was stunned. "Why?"

"I don't know, I think it had something to do with the play. People were reminded of her, and started to protest again. And I guess the night Collins came on stage, he kissed her and people, I don't know, didn't like it." she sniffled. "How could they do this?"

"I don't know…"

Right after school I ran to Roger and Collins' house. Angel was there being comforted by Collins. I hugged her and told her how upset I was over this. She told me not to worry about her. That's Angel, always thinking about others. Roger was rather silent; I noticed he was holding a little pile of letters. Later when he went in the kitchen to make some coffee, he dragged me with him.

"Just look at some of these." He pushed some letters at me. "It makes me sick."

They were all hate letters to Angel from parents. All telling her that someone like her shouldn't be teaching, that they wanted her out, that her lifestyle was wrong, and they didn't want it around their kids, that she should change, that she was going to hell. I couldn't read all of them, there was too many tears in my eyes. I ran into the bathroom not wanting Roger to see me. How could people write this to another human being? Why couldn't they let people like her-like me for that matter- live and be happy? This is why I was afraid of people finding out about me and Roger. This was why I had to hide the most beautiful thing in my life, like it was some dirty secret. Why I couldn't flaunt my love as everyone else. There was a knock.

"Are you okay?" it was Roger.

"No." I said through my tears. He came in. I turned and let see me.

"Oh, baby," He took me in a strong embrace. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed.

"How could they write things like that?"

"I know, but it will be okay." He rubbed my back.

"I'm so glad you're here." I croaked. Who was I kidding? Of course I loved him.


	18. I'm Yours

**Author's Note**: WARNING: okay, so this is going to be the most graphic chapter so far, so if you don't like man/man love you might not like this. You have been warned. Enjoy!

He held me for a long time, whispering words of comfort into my ear. My tears were starting to become mixed. I was both filled with sorrow and joy. I hated what happen to Angel, I hated the whole town for it, yet at the same time I was so happy. I felt so lucky to have ever met Roger, to be so in love. I wanted to tell him. I lifted my head; no words would come out. No words needed to come out. We simply looked into our eyes, and we understood. A silent exchange of love. Roger brought his hand up gently, and wiped my tears from my cheeks.

"Boys?" I jumped and tried to pull away, but he was holding me far too firmly to dare let me go. Angel was standing in the doorway. A smiled filled with love and concern came over her face.

"Oh, honey," she touched my shoulder. "Do you boys need some time alone? We could go out?"

"Oh, no, you don't need to do that,"

"No, it's okay. I don't really want to stay cooped up in here all night anyway. I want to go out and celebrate."

"Celebrate?" Roger wasn't fallowing.

"Well, that was a longest I've ever held a teaching job. Things are looking up." She smiled again a left. We heard her convince Collins to go with her- which was exactly a hard thing, seeing as how Collins gave Angel anything she wanted- and the two left leaving us alone. We moved back into the living room, Roger never letting go of me.

"Are you feeling better, Marky?" _Marky_. That made me smile, I had stopped crying.

"Yeah. Sorry for losing it like that."

"No, it's fine. I was freaked when I read them too. But they don't mean anything though. Angel's not going to change for them."

"No one would."

"I mean, someone could call me a fag 'til they're blue in the face, but it doesn't matter, cause I'd still come home and give you a great big kiss and thank God that I'm a fag." He grinned. God those lips were prefect. I suddenly came close to him and smashed my lips on his, hungrily eating them up.

"A great big kiss like that?" I giggled as I let him go. Roger looked astonished-I usually wasn't the one to instigate kisses- but very happy.

"No," he dragged me on top of him, "Like this," he pulled me in to a more passionate kiss then I could very dream of. We Kissed, and felt, and touch until it all became too much for me.

"Roger?" I broke the kiss, my voice raw with want. Roger went down to my neck as he had on Valentines day, and started to suck a patch of skin right under me jaw line. "I think I'm ready." He looked up at me slowly, eyes wide; I could almost hear his heart pounding.

"A-are you sure about this?" His voice shook. I nodded.

"Yes. Roger I can feel it." I kissed his cheek. "You can have me." Before the words were fully out of my mouth, Roger picked me up and carried me -wedding style- to his bedroom.

He lightly laid me down on his bed. It was sunset, the room was filled with an orange glow that some how intensified the heat we were feeling. Roger placed himself over me, and took off my shirt and his. I got a quick glance at his mouthwatering chest before he feverously French kissed me again. I couldn't imagine anything better then skin to skin connect with Roger… until he slyly began to grind against me, I could feel his erection pressing against mine, making my whole body writhe with excitement.

He stopped; it was time to go farther. As he started to unbutton my pants, he looked for a nod of approval, which I gave him. I aided him in pulled them down. I lay there in my underwear for all of three seconds before Roger tore them of me. I wanted to cover myself at first, but didn't after seeing the desire burning in his eyes as he looked over me. Now it was his turn, he stood and shed the rest of his clothes with ease. It was ten times better then anything that I'd ever pictured. He resumed his position.

"Ohhh," He moaned as our bodies touched and reached into his night stand. He pulled on a bottle and started to prepare himself for me. I watched, heart hammering, I couldn't take him, he was too big, it just wouldn't fit.

He spread my legs, I felt his tip against me but he did not go in.

"Mark," he kissed me "You're mine, aren't you?"

"Yes!" that was all I could mange.

"You're mine… say it! Please I want to hear you." He voice was so desperate.

"I'm yours! God, I'm all yours and I always will be!" I screamed. And with that he slid inside.

We both moaned, him in pleasure, I in pain. It hurt sooo bad, I felt like he was ripping me open. Tears pricked in my eyes blurring my vision.

"Am I hurting you? Do you want me to-"

"No, it's okay, I can take it." He started to move now, in and out and in and out gasping with joy. Suddenly he hit me at an angle, making me cry out. It was starting to feel a little better. Hell it was starting to feel _a lot_ better. Then we really started to get into it. Moaning, touching, laughing, moving together in unison. We fit perfectly, it seemed. This quickly turned into the best thing I'd ever felt. Roger took me in his hand and started to pump along with his trusting. I groaned at the double stimulation.

"Ah Mark… my Mark," he kissed my neck and shoulder, slowing down a great deal.

"Faster," I muttered breathlessly. He compiled trusting deeply and madly.

"You like that?" I couldn't answer him, but he knew. Wave after wave of heat washed over us until we couldn't hold on any more.

"Roger! Roger! _Roger_!" I fell into what was easily the best orgasm I'd ever had. He came right after me, both our bodies twisting with ecstasy.

Roger's body collapsed on to mine, breathing hard. I was stunned. It blew my mind that it was even possible for two people to give each other that kind of pleasure. I was very sore, but could care less. He rolled off me, but held me close, so we could be face to face.

"That was…" he gasped shaking his head. "_Amazing_. I told you I would love it. Was it good for you?"

"God, yes." I gazed at the man that just took my virginity, regretting nothing.

We held each other, just laying there in bless late into the night.

**Author's note**: So... that was my first stab at a love scene...thought?


	19. Almost Roomie

**Author's note:** Hey how are you my lovely readers! I'm great. I just finished reading Anthony Rapp's book today. It was SOOOOO GOOD! It made cry. I think I'm in love with him…I mean more so.

WARNING: Mark and Roger do some 'exploring' in this chapter. (It's as bad as the last one.) Anyway this chapter is pretty simple; I thought it would be nice with all the drama about to unfold…Enjoy!

Roger and I practically lived together now. With drama over my after school hours were freed up quite a bit, and I gave almost all of them to him. I went to his house almost everyday, and stayed over night most weekends. My mother didn't mind as must as I thought she would. She was happy that I had found a group of true friends. I think she thought that when I went out I was with all of them, and even times when she knew I was only with Roger she had no idea what we were doing together. I wanted to keep it that way. I was still not planning on telling anyone about us in the near future. I was nervous about Angel maybe letting it slip. But, Angel being her sweet loving self, told not a soul, not even Collins.

School was going well. Lunch proved to be the best time of day, as usual, the group –now minus Angel- would sitting together at our little table in the corner being loud and not really caring what everyone thought of us. Well, the loud and not caring part was mostly Maureen. Joanne was starting to get picked on just as I was. It was funny to see the parallels between her relationship and mine. Whenever I or Joanne was slammed into a locker and called out for being gay, we would keep going, pretending that it never happened. Roger and Maureen on the other hand would try to beat the crap out of whoever did it to us. Still I was very pleased with the little bohemian family we had. Most times when we were sitting together, I would try hard not to sit beside Roger, fearing he would try to do something.

Despite my anxiety about going out with Roger (he had a tendency to be a bit touchy feely which I otherwise loved) I was over the moon with joy. Our relationship was wonderful… well for the most part. There were a few things that kept bothering me, but maybe I was just being too negative. I was a little on edge by that fact that Roger still wouldn't get help with his cutting, though he did call every time he thought he was heading towards doing it. There was only one time after our conversation that he did go through with it. I wanted him to get real help, he thought talking to me about it was enough. But what if I said something wrong? Would that make things worst?

There was something else weighing on my mind too. Though I hate to admit it, it was true. I was hurt by the fact that Roger had never once in our relationship told me that he loved me. He said things like he needed me, and he cared about me, and how good I made him feel… but never a simple 'I love you'. That was all I wanted. Did that mean that he didn't love me, like I loved him? That thought never stopping tormenting my mind. As much as I tried to not think of it, it was eating away at me. Many times we would be cuddling and I would be dying inside to tell him that I love him, but never did for fear of him not saying it back.

My concerns melted away when I looked up at him in the semi-darkness. The candles Roger had lit were the only thing lighting the room. I lay there wearing nothing but the necklace he had gotten for me. I never took it off, because I loved having a little piece of his affection always with me and he had knotted it so tightly I couldn't get it off. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath as Roger's lips started to attack my chest. We had been motionless for some time, looking each other over, touching, exploring each other's bodies as thoroughly as possible. He licked over my almost visible ribs, and then to my stomach and waist line. It wasn't until he began to kiss and nibble my inner thigh that I realized what he was about to do. I looked down meeting his wild eyes; he gave me a wicked grin and then took me into his mouth. I let out a moan, one louder then I wanted too. God, I hoped Collins couldn't hear us down stairs. Roger took me in deeper, and slid his tongue over me ardently, like I was the best thing he ever tasted. After fighting the urge to yell out my love for him, I allowed my mind to relax as well as my body. I wanted to stop thinking about anything that wasn't the haven of Roger lips. It wasn't long before I came.

He pulled away slowly, smiling, laughing quietly to himself as he wiped his lips on the back of his hand.

"You swallowed?" He nodded "How was it? What's it like?" I couldn't help myself I was too curious. Roger cocked his hand to one side.

"Would you like find out?" Then Roger's hand was on the back on my head, gently gliding himself into my mouth. This being the first time I've ever done anything like this, I was almost shaking with nerves. It tasted funny…but in a good way…if that made any sense. I didn't really know what I was doing, so I tried to duplicate Roger's actions. Whatever I was doing it seemed to be working, he was enjoys himself. Once I relaxed I started to enjoy it as well, the idea of give him pleasure thrilled me. Before I knew it, Roger's back was arching, he screamed and hot liquid was running down my throat. I coughed, choking on it a little.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah…" I nodded.

"How was it?" he asked dreamily.

"Really hot."

"Good. Come here." He put his arm around me, I lay my head on his chest, my new favorite position to be in. We lay there for awhile not talking.

"Mark?" he said eventually.

"Hmm?"

"Do you ever think about New York City?" That was an odd question.

"I'm sure I have at one point,"

"No, I meaning like going there…you know, to live."

"Oh," really I had quite a bit. There was a film school there I would die to go to. But the chances of me getting in were slim. "A little."

"Cool..."

"Why?"

"It's just… Collins lived there for awhile and he thinks he's going to go back and now Angel's looking for work so she going to go with him. We all talked about it last night… I was thinking about going too."

"Oh…" that was a shocker.

"And I was hoping you could come too."

"I'd loved to." I said without thinking "I mean if I can make it work, and if my mom…"

"Yeah, it's still a maybe for me though. But if Collins goes, I'm still going to need a roommate,"

"Are you saying we become _roommates_?"

"No…well, sort of yes." I laughed a bit. "What, like you're not over here half the time? We're almost roommates right now."

"I know." I don't know why but the image of us living together made me giggle. Though our relationship was pretty good I could see us getting in little fights over stupid things like breakfast cereal. "I'll think about it."

"Great…_roomie_"

"Roger." I sighed.

"Almost _roomie."_


	20. Caught in the Act

**Author's Note**: CHAPTER 20! YAY!... Enjoy.

When Roger first brought up the whole moving to New York thing, I didn't really think that it would become a possibility. But as the weeks went on it started to seem more and more plausible. I had sent my application to the film school of my dreams. I spent hours filling out forms and editing pieces of my work to send to them. I told Roger that if I got in I would definitely move with them. I hoped our relationship could handle us living in the same house, Roger thought we could but I wasn't sure. We had hit a few more hiccups, though I think I was making a bigger deal out of them then they were.

Roger had started to question why I was more then happy to hug or kiss him when we were alone but not in public. I told him that I just wasn't a fan of public displays of affection. I wasn't sure if he believed me, but he did stop showing affection in public, which I think bothered him a little. That in turn stressed me out. Next was when Roger approached me about telling everyone about us.

"They're our friends and they should know." He flat out told me one day. "It's not going to change anything."

"But what about Mimi?" I said that being the only reason I could come up with.

"What does she have to do with anything?"

"If we told everyone about us, then that means Angel and Collins are together, Maureen and Joanne are together and now us? She'll feel out of the loop or left out being the only one alone."

Roger didn't look very happy. But he pushed down whatever was wrong and said calmly.

"Okay, that's a good point." And talked very little the rest of the night.

Things like that would happen sometimes. Thought most times we were bathed in our bliss, we would have these silent fights, times when we just didn't feel like talking to each other. It happened one time to me when we were all hanging out after one of Roger and Maureen's show, and Roger kept going on about how much he loved his guitar. My thoughts turned bitter, I wanted to yell _Why is it that you can say that you love your guitar-an inanimate object! - and not your own boyfriend?_ I didn't speak to him the whole night, I don't know if he noticed. But the next day we went on like nothing happened.

"So have you heard back from that school yet?" Roger asked as I came back into the living room. His body was sprawled across my coach.

"No, not yet."

"What's taking so long?" he groaned.

"I don't know, they probably get hundreds of applications. I may not get in."

"You will. And then it's off to New York, New York."

"Don't set your heart on it, I may not-"

"Stopping being so negative."

"I'm not being negative." I grumbled.

"Hey, Mark? You know that opera you liked?"

"La Boheme?"

"Yeah, could you play it again?"

"Sure," I did starting it at the beginning.

"Could you put it on that song you liked?"

"Musette's waltz?"

"Yeah." and so I did.

"Hey," Roger stood and extended his hand. "Dance with me?"

"Do you remember what happened the last time we danced?"

"Yes, but we can see now, so it's okay."

We dance a little bit, but then gave up after a few minutes to make out. We stood there in the middle of my living room kissing like there was not tomorrow. Nothing had gone wrong in terms of our physical relationship, it just seemed to be getting better. It made me feel so much closer to him, it made me feel like he did loved me, and I needed that. Swept up in the music and each other, the whole world seemed to fall away. I thought I heard a noise, but it was too much for me to brake away from Roger, so I left it to something on the tape, or maybe I imagined it. But when I heard the loud throaty gasp that fallowed, I know I didn't imagine it. I pulled away from him and my heart stopped. We jumped apart and stood there looking wide eyed at my mother who had come home early. She looked stunned, I was horror stricken, Roger nervously broke the silence.

"H-hey Mrs. Cohen…how are you?" She ran, embarrassed, out of the room.

"Oh My God…" I was starting to hyperventilate. "Oh God..."

"It's okay, here sit down," Roger sat me down and started rubbing my back.

"This can't be happening!" I gasped.

"Mark, everything is going to be okay, I mean you had to tell her eventually, right?"

"No, I wasn't, God, she'll never be able to look at me again."

"She's your mother! She'll-"

"No she won't, she's going to hate me!" I was almost in tears.

"What!" Roger looked shocked. "You should talk to her."

"Right…I think you should go now."

"Okay." He kissed my cheek and left.

I went up to my room for a very long time, doing nothing but pacing the floor wondering what to say. Around ten, I decided that a cup of tea would calm my nerves. But when I went down to the kitchen I found my mother already having one. Her pudgy round face looked rather shaken as well, she must have had the same idea as I. A love for tea was one of the few things that we had in common.

"Oh, Hello." She said putting on a calm tone, which I knew was fake. Knowing my mother was the type of person to look over a problem and pretend it wasn't there, I felt I would have to start the conversation.

"Ah, Hi." I paused awkwardly. "How's your tea?" How's your tea? _Really_?

"Good." She stated simply.

"Oh, that's good." Okay this was going nowhere. I would have to be blunt. "Ah…This wasn't the way I was hoping you'd find out about this." She raised her eyes from her tea cup and looked at me blankly.

"It was a shock," she agreed "But, I suppose you're a teenager, and teenagers have their fazes."

"Right… but this isn't a faze. Roger and I are together…he's my boyfriend."

"Oh." she looked back down at her cup.

"So…what do you think?"

"I don't know." She seemed lost.

"Do you like him?" I tried weakness.

"Mark, I just- I don't know, this is a lot to handle." She seemed upset new. "I don't understand it…I don't understand how you can…I just didn't get…" she trailed off.

I stood, my guts twisting waiting for her to stay something. When I was playing this over in my mind I was thinking it would go down like some kind of over dramatic TV show. Mother would either tell me to leave, kick me out and say she wanted nothing to do with me. Or we would embrace me, say that she loved me and how happy she was for me. I was waiting for one of these to happen.

"So…what are you going to do?" I uttered softly.

"What can I do? Mark, you'll be eighteen in little over a month, I can't exactly stop this from happening." Did that mean she wanted to stop this? "If you want to be with Robert-"

"Roger."

"Well, that's your choice…but I can't say that I approve of it." My heart sank.

"Okay." And I left the room.

I cried later that night. To me this was much worst then the two ideas I played up in my mind. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to live with that? 'I didn't like it, but I'm noting going to stop it'? I felt guilty now for being with him.

The next morning I woke up early, heart still hurting from last nights talk. I wanted to talk to Roger about what had happen. I went over to his place as soon as I could.

"Oh, hey honey." Angel answered the door.

"Is Roger here?"

"No not right now…are you okay?"

"Not really."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"I would."

And just like that, the dam that was holding back all my stress broke. I told her everything. And I mean everything. About my feelings for Roger when we were just friends, about what happened on Christmas, about me not wanting to tell anyone about us, about Roger's cutting, something that upset her just as much as it's been upsetting me, about the idea of moving away, about my hurt over wondering if Roger loved me, about my mother finding out and what she said. Angel was such a good listener, it was great. By the end of it I was emotionally drained. She told me to go get some rest, and I did.


	21. Over

I waited a few days before telling Roger what my mother had said about us, thinking it may start up an argument. It did end up that way. He could tell that I was very upset about it; He did quite a bit of comforting at first. Later on though, he voiced his real opinion saying that it wasn't like she disowned me or anything and it didn't matter whether I had her approval or not as long as I was happy. I snapped at him and told him she was my mother and her approval meant something to me. Things still seemed to be going well though…or at least I thought.

"Are you almost done?" Mimi groaned.

"In a minute!" Maureen called from the other side of the room.

After school we all agreed to wait for Maureen as she finally returned the cat suit she 'barrowed' way back in October. But right now we were all just sitting in a maze of a prop room as she looked through more stuff. I leaned against the wall and looked down at Roger, who was sitting on a large black box, and was being practically moody today. He hadn't said a word to me all day, his eyes were blank and a little puffy, and his lips were tightly set.

"Hey what about this?" Maureen came running out holing a rainbow dress. "Wouldn't this be prefect for the protest?" There was a rumor going around that gay couples would be kicked out of prom. When she heard, she decided the best solution would be to protest and collect signatures.

"It would," Joanne agreed "But I thought you were supposed to be returning stuff not taking more of it?"

"Oh, no one's going to notice, and it's too prefect to pass up. And, we really need to start planning this!"

"You know, I think it's great that you're doing this." Roger said as we got up and started to move towards the door. "It's really important that this homophobia crap stops… in fact," he paused "well we're on this topic, there's something Mark and I wanted to tell you," They looked him, my heart skipped a beat. Was he really doing this now? "We're both-"

"Really, really glad about this idea and we'd be happy to help…ya know if you need it." I cut him off. Everyone looked at us like we were nuts, Roger looked taken aback.

"Okay, cool."Mimi said slowly "Let's go."

"Ah, yeah…We're just going to check something, you go on ahead." Roger shoed them away and closed the door behind them. He stood there for a moment before flipping around to face me.

"Would you mind telling what the fuck that was?" There was real anger in his voice.

"What?" I was a little lost for words, never hearing him that angry.

"You know what!" he shouted, I jumped. "Why would you do something like that? They're our friends for God's sake there not going to fucking care!"

"Well," I tried to find the words I needed. "Why would you try and tell them when you know I didn't want you to?"

"Okay," Roger took a deep breathe "I have been keeping quiet and not saying anything, but we really need to talk." Fear ran through me, Roger started to pace the room madly. "What the fuck is wrong with you! Why are you ashamed of this relationship?" he barked at me.

"What are you talking about?" I sighed hopelessly.

"You know what I'm talking about!" I looked at him blankly "Why is it that you're so bent on hiding this. Why won't you tell anyone about us?"

"Roger, what would people say-"

"Who care's!"

"I do. God, half the school already thinks I'm gay for whatever reason, what would they do if they actually found out I was?"

"Why do care about what they think?"

"I care if they start beating me again, which I know they will."

"Then one of us will protect you!"

"I don't want to have to be protected, Roger."

"This is because you're ashamed isn't it! You're ashamed of being with another man! ADMIT IT!

"Roger, stop it."

"Or is it me that you're ashamed of! I suppose who wants an ex-junkie for a boyfriend?"

"ROGER! Stop. You said you wanted to talk, we can talk, but all you've done so far is yell-"

"Because I'm pissed off! At you!" Now I was the taken aback one.

"What did I do?"

"You know I got pulled into guidance today… They said they wanted to set up sessions with some know it all counselor about my cutting." He uttered harshly. Oh no. I knew Angel must have done this only with his well being in mind, but still… "I told you not to tell anyone, I trusted you!"

"Roger, I know, but I only told Angel, and she must have told them, but only because she's concerned for you-"

"But I didn't want you to tell anyone!"

"Just like I didn't want you to tell anyone about us?" I reminded him.

"That is completely different."

"It is not!"

"It is…You shouldn't have said anything at all!" now I was getting mad too.

"Oh, sorry for being concerned about you! You know I worry about you sometimes right? I'm _so_ sorry for wanting to help you."

"You shouldn't have."

"I did it because I care!" more anger, frustration and hurt began to stir in me. "But I guess you wouldn't know what that's like."

"And what is _that_ supposed to mean!"

"What do you think it means?" Roger, looking hurt and still incredibly pissed moved towards me.

"After everything I've done and we've been through, you think I don't care about you!"

"Why would I when you never say it?"

"What?"

"You know what!" I hissed.

We carried on like that for a very long time. It seemed we were caught in a vicious cycle of words. The whole fight started to go in a circle. Roger cursing me out for being in the closet, me yelling at him that he needed to get help. After awhile I wondered if there was even a point of talking to him, he was just getting more and more upset. Eventually he snapped.

"I can't do this! I can't hide our relationship like it's something shameful and terrible! It's not right. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who won't even confess to being in the relationship in the first place!"

"Well I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who'd force me to do something I'm uncomfortable with!"

"Well then I guess we're not in a relationship anymore!"

His words hit me like a slap in the face. I even took a step back. I was shocked; we both were at the rashness of his words. The world seemed to slow down. I felt dizzy like I was falling out of my own body. My heart didn't even feel like it was beating, my whole body was numb, trying to process his words. I came back suddenly, my eyes snapping to his. My whole body tensed, I pushed back the burning in my throat and spoke.

"Fine then." My voice was scratchy and sounding nothing like my own. My hand went to my necklace. With one swift pull I snapped the string and send it to smash on the floor. "It's over." I said quietly and as bitterly as I could. Roger's stood unmoved, stony faced, eyes fixed on the broken necklace. I turned and went out the door not looking back.


	22. Without you

**Author's Note**: Hey, so this chapter's a little short…but I thought it was still necessary, hope you like it.

As I walked down that endless hallway, my mind felt like it was shutting down. My body kept working, moving fast and efficiently. That was the only thing I could think about right now, the next task, the next movement. Simple things were the only thing I could process. I was outside now, speed walking down the street, pushing my legs to go faster and faster until it hurt. I needed to focus on my simple movements to stop the burning in my throat and the aching in my head. Turn right, turn left, down the street, turn the door knob, walk in, close the door, unplug the phone…

I stood there looking around the room, my own house had never seemed so foreign. Slowly I started to move again, up the stairs to my room. I closed the door and as the silence of the room closed in on me, the shield I was carrying to get me home faded away. A numbness spread over my whole body, my legs wobbled under me and I fell hard against the door. It didn't hurt though. I let out an agonizing moan fallowed by a wave of hot tears. I was in shock the only thing I could bring myself to do was cry.

My heart was breaking; literally the pain was raw and throbbing. It felt like it had been ripped out, That there was a big black hole where my heart should be. I couldn't believe that this had happen, it was over, we were done. I thought we were just starting, that our relationship was moving forward, to a point where we might even be living together. But no. I remember saying that I didn't want to be with someone that would make me do something I didn't want to, and I guess that was true. Then why did I feel so terrible? Why was breaking up with him the last thing I wanted? Was this my fault? I was offended when he first accused me of being ashamed of our relationship. But was he right? Why was I so afraid of what others would think?

It didn't matter anymore though, none of it did. We were over. I would never hold his hand again, he would never kiss me again, he would never whisper my name again, our eyes would never meet bashfully across the room again, he'd never call me in the middle of the night again, he would never grin at me again…and now he would definitely never tell me that he loved me. Upon each and every of the realization my stomach twisted into a bigger and bigger knot…I cried all night.

I put on a happy face for my mother, the only person that I had contact with since the breakup. I didn't want to bother her, plus she hadn't said anything about my relationship since that night. Also I would kill me if this made her happy.

Each day seemed a thousand years long. I went to school and went about my day like nothing had changed, but everything was just harder… I walked, looked, felt, breathed…but everything was covered in a numbness that I couldn't shake. Life without Roger…to put it frankly, it sucked. It was interesting to see how everything –_everything_- seemed to go on normally…excepted me, I felt dead. Though I would never let Roger know that. I wasn't sure what happened to Roger. I walked by the lunch table- the one I hadn't eaten at for over a week- and he was not there. I hadn't seen him at all at school…not that I wanted to see him that was the last thing I wanted.

"Maaaark!" I jumped and closed my locker door to see Maureen running at me. She grabbed me, both of her hands gripping my shoulders; she started to shake me violently. "What the hell did you doooo!" she cried far too over dramatically.

"Let go of me!" I pushed her off me. I noticed Joanne and Mimi standing behind her.

"What did you do to him!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Roger!" my eyes darkened.

"I have to go." I tried to leave but the three girls barred my way.

"You're not going anywhere! WHAT did you do!"

"What?"

"It's Roger he's BROKEN!"

"Broken?" I was internally panicked.

"Yes! We were practicing the other day…and he was- was just terrible! Roger's soooo passionate about his music! And it was like he was dead or something! And then he just left and said he didn't feel like playing guitar right now…he ALWAYS feels like playing guitar! What did you do?"

"Why do you think I have anything to do with it?" I said defensively.

"Well you're his best friend! And right before he left, I brought you up and he got all pissed off."

"I don't know, I've to go." I stormed off before they could stop me.

That night I lay in my bed trying to stop crying. I didn't even know it was this possible to cry so much. Eventually the tears would just dry up and I would just be raw eyed. I kept trying to tell myself that I would get over it, and I didn't need him…why didn't I believe myself. The phone rang. Why? I didn't want to talk to anyone. Yet, at the same time, the little hope that I had wanted it to be Roger. I let the answering machine get it, but I listened.

"Ah, hey man…" It was Collins. "I haven't seen you around in I while, I was just wondering how you were…also I was wondering if you could do me a favor," I sat up and went to reach for the phone but stopped myself as he went on. "It's about Roger, I think there might be something wrong with him… He's just shut himself up it his room, he not eating, he's just not being himself and I'm worried…he wouldn't talk to me about it, so I was hoping maybe you could go talk to him," I picked you the phone, heart racing.

"Yeah, I'll be over tomorrow."


	23. Hollow

**Author's note**: AH! thank you for the great reviews! They make me sooo happy. I'm glad the story's going so well. Anyway, as I was writting this I was thinking, A) I can't wait to get to the next chapter it's going to be very climatic, and B) that there are only a few more chapters to come before MCC is done. I'm going to be sooo sad to see it go, yet on the other hand, I have a few more Mark/Roger fanfics I can wait to get started on. ENJOY!

I took my time walking to Roger's. All morning I fought with myself whether I should even go at all. Though deep down I was very concerned for him, wondering if this was all my fault. There was, perhaps, a part of me that was hoping that he was so upset because he wanted me back. Somehow I didn't think this was true. It had been about two weeks since we'd broken up, if he wanted me back he would have said something by now. I also doubted that he would want to talk to me, and if so what could I do to help him? I didn't want to talk to him anyway...well I did, even though I had no idea what I wanted to say. What could I say? I wouldn't be able to say anything, I would probably just look at him and then start crying.

I pluased for a very long time, my fist in the air ready to knock. This was my last chance; I could just turn back now and not have to face him. I knocked, I couldn't turn my back on him. Angel answered the door looking put together as always, I felt hopelessly dishevelled.

"Oh, I'm so glad you came." She hugged me and brought me in. I sat down on the coach not really knowing what to do. Angel and I were the only people in the room. I could feel my heart starting to hurt already. A part of me thought that I would never see this house again, another part wondered if this would be the last time I ever see it. Angel sat down by me.

"How are you holding up, dear?" she put her hand on me shoulder. I shrugged really not knowing the answer to that. How was I holding up? Poorly? By threads? With this mask that I held in front of my face pretending that I didn't care when really I was hurting so badly?

"Okay, guess." Was all that came out. I could tell she didn't believe me.

"Really?" She raised an eyebrow.

"I mean I'm a little..." Heart broken?

Suddenly I could hear noises coming from upstairs, it sounded like muffled yelling. One of them I could tell was Roger. Collins came down the stairs looking a little flustered. I jumped to my feet upon his entrance.

"What's going on up there, Honey." Angel asked.

"What do you think? Roger's in one of his moods."

"Mark you should go to him." Angel pushed me towards the stairs. My wobbly legs took me up about three steps before I stopped, my heart was racing. I couldn't see him. God, I wanted to but what if he would just rejected me again?

"I'm wondering if this was a good idea, now." I heard Collins whisper to Angel.

"Of course it is." She whispered back.

"What?" I turned half around to look at them. "Why?" Collins tried to fake an innocent face, but he knew I had heard him. He sighed.

"It's just... I thought that bringing you around would help him. I was just talking to him, we got into a little argument... I brought you up and he fliped his lid. And when I told him I invited you over, he said he didn't want to see you...and to tell you to leave..." He trailed off. I looked at them blank for a moment. The burning in my throat was back.

"I knew I shouldn't have come." I said horse with pushing the tears back.

"No, you still need to go to him," Angel pleaded "Roger needs you."

"No he doesn't!" I cried louder then I wanted to. "I shouldn't have come, I knew he wouldn't want to see me." I could feel my face going red.

"Oh, honey," Angel hugged me again, I held on to her trying to stop my tears. "You should still try to talk to him."

"Yeah, he won't throw a book at _you_." Collins added.

"Baby, he threw a book at you?"

"It didn't hurt...if it did I would have punched him...agian." He mumbled.

"I can't," my voice was scratchy. Angel let go of me and handed me a tissue.

"You still should try to work things out though, I thought you were good together." Collins patted my shoulder.

"Wait, you knew about us?"

"Mark," he looked at me like I was an idiot. "Like I couldn't hear you guys banging around up there every other night." My face went redder.

"What happen anyway?" Angel asked softly.

"W-we got in to a big fight. Roger was upset because I told you about his...problem."

"Ya should have told him to suck it up and get help." Collins snorted.

"Tom," Angel warned.

"Well it's true."

"Go on," she smiled at me.

"Well, he was also upset, because I didn't want anyone to know about us. I-I don't know why, It's stupid really." I laughed sadly. "I was afraid, I was so worried about how people would treat me...I guess I wasn't really thinking about him. And he started saying that I was ashamed of...of us, and that made me mad. I'm not ashamed, I love him...I love him so much." I felt another tear run down my face; I wiped it away. Usually I would feel more embarrassed crying in front of someone. But I felt comfortable with Angel and Collins. They were like family.

"Why didn't you tell him that?" Angel pointed out sweetly.

"I couldn't."

"Life's too short man," Collins added.

"Another reason why I was upset was because...Roger never told me that he loved me. That plus what ended up happening...I really don't think he did."

"That's not true, he loves you." Angel protested.

"Yeah, that boy never shut up about you."

"No he didn't." I said flatly. "There's no point of me being here." I was about to walk to the door when I thought I heard something behind me. There was nothing, and more importantly no one. "It was nice seeing you, but I should go."Angel tried to stop me, but I brushed her off, saying "I'd like to see you again some time, give Roger my best." And I left.

As more and more day began to passed I started to feel more hollow inside. Even more so when I found that I did get into my dream school. But now the dream of moving in with Roger was dead, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go.

Roger and I never saw each other at school. Though, according to Joanne who he shared some classes with, he was going. I tucked myself far into the library at lunch, though Mimi, Maureen, and Joanne come to visit me all the time.

"This is wonderful!" Maureen hugged me.

"'Wonderful' Maureen?" Joanne looked at her like she was crazy.

"Yeah! See we where meant to date each other. We turned each other gay!"

"Maureen!" I pushed her off me. "Shh!"

"Oh, sorry." She whispered loudly.

"And how do you-"

"Collins."

"Right." I sighed.

"No, this is a wonderful thing! I'm so happy."

"Thanks." I said in monotone.

"We're sorry about what happened." Mimi squeezed my hand.

"Thanks." I meant it this time.

"So...how are we going to get you two back together?"

"Ah...we're not." They all started shouting protests at once.

"But you're the prefect coulpe, why didn't you tell us?" Mimi wondered.

"Sorry...I just..."

"Couldn't find your way out of the closet?" Maureen smiled.

"I wasn't going to put it like that, but I guess so."

"Okay, so that's settled; you're queer. And what do you mean 'we're not'!"

"Maureen," I tried to stop her.

"Don't you _loooove_ him!"

"Well, yes," I looked around and was glad that there was no one else in the library at the moment to witness this. "But it doesn't matter. We're over-"

"But you have to-"

"No I don't. Look I appreciate all of you guys trying to help, but there's really nothing you can do, so let's just forget about it."

"Okay." Joanne and Mimi muttered. Maureen looked at me intently.

"Can I just ask one more thing?"

"Sure." I sighed.

"Was he good in bed?"

"What!" Joanne and I shouted at the same time.

"What? He just seems like he would be?" as they started to briker I got up and walked away.

Why couldn't they see that there was nothing anyone could do about it? We broke up; people brake up. It hurt like hell, I missed him everyday, I loved he still, but I would just have to move on.


	24. Your Eyes

**Author's note**: Ohmygod! I've been going nuts whether to write this chapter or not. I think it might be a bit corny...like really corny...I'm not sure. But I hope you like it anyway.

"So are you going to go?" Angel said putting down her tea. I had just told her about my conflicted feelings about going to New York for school.

"I'm still not sure."

"Well, personally I think you would be passing up on a great opportunity."

"I guess so..."

"You know that Collins, Roger and I have found an apartment up there. We're going to be moving right after graduation."

"Oh," My heart sank a little. I would lose Collins and Angel a long with Roger.

"And if you want to go too-"

"No." I cut her off.

"Well if you change your mind, the offer's still open, we've got plenty of room." She slid a picture of the building across my kitchen table.

"Okay..."

"You know, I think I'll miss it here." She mused. I was surprised. Really? You'd miss a small judgmental town like this, when you're in gigantic New York City?

"I'll really miss you Mark," she smiled at me.

"I'll miss you too."

"I'll miss all your wonderful videos..." I blushed. "Actually I was wondering if you would do me a little favour? There's another coffee house tomorrow, I was wondering if you could film it for me." I almost choked on my tea. I couldn't go, no doubt Roger would be there. But then again, knowing Angel, that was one of the reasons she wanted me to go.

"Ah, I'm really not sure..."

"Oh, please. They're always so great, and it would be so nice to have another thing to remember the school by." She pleaded. As much as I didn't want to go and suspected that this was some kind of set up, I couldn't say no to Angel."

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"Oh, thank you so much!"

Angel left not long after that. My stomach was in a knot all night, but I would do this for her.

"MAAARK!" I didn't have to turn around to know who was calling my name. Maureen jumped in front of me baring my way into the school. "Mark!" she looked at me, eyes bulging, face spread in a wide smile.

"Hi..." I said trying to walk around her, but she didn't let me.

"So, you're coming tonight right!"

"Well I'm trying to..."

"But you NEED to stay! For the whole time. It's going to be great!"

"Okay..."

"And you NEED to be there!"

"Well it's hard to be there with you blocking the door like that." I pointed out.

"Oh," she let me by. "Have fuuuun." She called as I walked away.

I positioned myself next to the back door of the library, the whole audience was in front of me. I could see Joanne and Mimi sitting in the front row together, Maureen was shouting at some tech people, and then I laid eyes on Roger for the first time in almost a month. My heart started to drum away and twist and brake and jump and cry all at once; I wanted to leave and run to him at the same time. He looked nervous yet good. He was wearing a grey tee shirt and those plaid pants I loved.

The show started, I was rooted to the spot trying not to look at Roger, who was near the back of the stage playing, eyes stuck on the floor. I could do this, I thought as the acts continued. I would film everything and leave, having done Angel a favour and never having to see Roger again. I couldn't say that thought didn't sting a little. Eventually all performers left the stage except for Roger, he looked a little shaky as he walked up to the microphone. I edged closer to the door wondering if he could see me and if he was looking for me.

"Ah, hi everyone..." Roger looked wirily across the audience, they screamed for him. I chuckled to myself a little watching him blush. "You know, I'm not a great speaker, but I was wondering if I could just say I few words." He was cheered on, mostly by Maureen, who was now sitting with Joanne. "I've been trying to write a song for some time, but I didn't want it to be some random tune... I-I wanted it to mean something to me," More cheering by Maureen and a few others. "So you've been waiting for some inspiration...I recently made a huge mistake...I broke up with my boyfriend," He pulsed, my jaw dropped, a ripple of shocked murmuring ran though the crowd, and Maureen yell at them to get over it. "And there's really, really no inspiration as powerful as heart ache," Heart ache? Did Roger just say heart ache? "So, this is for him."

I don't know why to leave was my first reaction, but I found myself turning towards the door, which was now blocked by Angel. I jumped, not seeing her there before.

"Mark," said in a sweet yet stern voice. "Turn around and listen to that boy's song."

I turned and he started to play, filling the dead silent room with a sweet and gentle melody. Angel took up my camera which I had been pointing at the floor, to film him. Right before he began to sing, he took a deep breath and I'm sure he looked directly at me.

"_Your_ _eyes, as we said our goodbyes, can't get them out of my mind, and I find I can't hide... from your eyes_," my stomach was still churning and my eyes kept flicking from Roger to some other random thing that I was pretending to be interested in. I think Roger may have been doing the same thing. It reminded me of our first few days of knowing each other in history class. "_The ones that took me by surprise, the night you came into my life, where there's moonlight, I see your eyes. how'd I let you slip away, when I'm longing so to hold you,_" my breathing hitched at that line. "_Now I'd die for one more day, 'cause there's something I should, have told you_,"

My heart started hammering harder. For some reason I didn't feel like this was really happening, I felt disconnected as when we had broken up...but in a different way. Did he really mean this? Was I imagining these words? Did they mean anything?

"_When I looked into your eyes, why does distance make us wise_?" No, no this was too good to be true, I didn't believe it. Besides, lots of singers have written songs about brake ups. It doesn't mean that he wanted me back, or that it changes anything. "_I should tell you, I should tell you..."_ He paused, even though we were on opposite sides of the room, I swore he was looking right at me "_I have always loved you ...you can see it in my eyes" _Then the music changed, it took me a few moments to realize what it was: Musetta's waltz. I half choked half gasped as I cupped my hand over mouth, my heart feeling like it was about to burst. My mind was still trying to process the fact that Roger had just said that he loved me and the fact the he'd written such a beautiful song for me. The song ended, people clapped, and I felt Angel's hand on my back, pushing me forward.

"Go to him, honey."

"I don't-"

"_Go_." She pushed my harder. My jelly legs were able to get me to the right edge of the stage. Roger put down his guitar and started to edge closer to me. We stared at each other speechless for a long time. Before I knew it Roger was right in front of me. I didn't know what to say, all my emotions were going wild.

"Mark," his voice was shaky and his eyes looked sad. "I'm so sorry...about everything, I wish-" impulse took over I kissed him despite the fact that there was still a room full of people watching us. It felt wonderful, there were almost tears in my eyes. I never thought I would kiss him again. The crowd murmured once more. I pulled away, Roger looked awestruck but happy. Maureen retaliated to the disapproving comments by kissing Joanne causing even more noise.

"Mark..." Was all Roger could manage.

"Roger," we hugged and parted quickly.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"Of course, let's go to my house."

"It's about damn time!" Maureen yelled at us seeing us leave together.


	25. Cups of Coffee

**Author Notes**: OHMYGOD! Second last chapter! Oh, I hope you like it!

While Roger was busy pacing back and forth in the living room, I was in the kitchen making coffee. Maybe it was just because I wanted to stall our conversation. Now that we were alone my nerves returned. I still wasn't sure that the events of tonight meant that we were going to get back together. I took my time making our drinks. I was so lost in thought that I made a cup for myself as well.

"Here, this might calm you down." Roger eyes snapped up to mine and then to the mug that I was holding out to him. He took it and mumbled thank you, I sat down.

"Would you like to sit down?"

"No, I'm okay." Roger was clearly just as nervous as I was, though his pacing was slowing down a little.

"Um..." I felt like I needed to break the silence "I really liked the song." Really? Was that all I could come up with?

"Did you?" Roger, to my surprise, sat, though not right beside me.

"Yes, Roger it was so beautiful, how did you come up with it?"

"Do you remember that day Collins asked you to come over?"

"And you didn't want to see me?"

"Yeah," He sounded a little hurt. "I could hear you talking to Angel and Collins."

"Oh?"

"You sounded really upset." He took in a large mouth full before sitting his mug down on the table and turning to face me. "Look, about my song...I meant every word. Mark, I'm sorry about the way I blew up like that, I was just so angry..."

"Well it wasn't all your fault, I lost it a little too."

"True, but I shouldn't have gotten mad at you for telling Angel."

"Did you end up going to those sessions?" The same concern I once had came jumping back to mind.

"Yes." I could tell he still a little pissed about it.

"Are they helping though?" I said a little panicked. Roger chuckled a little.

"Calm down, I'm doing better."

"So they're helping?"

"Well, no. But I've started talking to Angel about it,"

"Is she qualified?"

"Mark, she helping me more than any 'normal' counsellor."

"Well that's good, I'm glad you're feeling better." I said as warm and heartfelt as I could.

"Well, I'm not feeling that much better,"

"Why." He laughed at me, which I didn't mind, I hadn't heard him laugh in what felt like forever.

"Why? Lord, do I have to spell it out for you?" he was smiling now. That was a good sigh right? "I've been going nuts without you. From- from the moment you walked out that door... I remember just being so, so angry at first and thinking I never wanted to see you again. But then, I couldn't get you out of my head...That look on your face when you walk away and you looked so upset and I couldn't believe I hurt you like that and..." He sighed, got up and started to pace again.

"Roger it's alright." I got up too and grasped his shoulder.

"No it's not. If you weren't ready to come out,"

"Thanks for the thought, but I think I've gotten over it."

"Yeah, I never thought you'd kiss me in public, and defiantly not with a whole audience watching."

"I was just as shocked as you were."

"So, you're okay with others knowing about us being together."

"I would be, if we were still together." It just slipped out. I didn't mean to be rude but that was what I felt. We still were not 'together' yet. I started to walk away, feeling a bit embarrassed for pointing out the obvious. Before I could get far Roger pulled me close to him looking me straight in the eye. "Mark, I love you. I'm sorry I took so long to say it, I've had problems before with saying things like that too early. But I just want you to know...I have been in love with you since the moment I kissed you on Christmas." I couldn't express my happiness at hearing those words "And I was wondering if you could forgive me... and be my boyfriend again?"

"Oh, Roger..." I smiled brightly as I could feel tears of joy coming on.

"Ah, don't cry...I'll cry and we'll be a big sappy mess." He laughed. I throw my arms around his neck, he held me tightly.

"Yes. Yes...and I love you too." We held each other for a long time, not daring to let go for a second. Eventually Roger did pull away, there was a look on his face as if something had just dawned on him. "What is it?"

"It's just... I forgot for second, but I'm moving. Collins and Angel and I, to New York, in a few weeks." This seemed to dampen his spirits a bit.

"Well... I did get into my school." Roger looked dumb stuck at the news.

"Oh my god, are you going?"

"I'm not sure yet," I really wasn't.

"What do you mean you're not sure yet?"

"I just don't know..."

"Okay," Roger suddenly got down on his knees in front of me and took my hand. "Look, I love you, I can't stress that enough, so Mark Cohen," He reached into his pocket, pulled something out and put it in my hand. I couldn't see what it was, seeing as how he was still grasping my hand tightly, but it felt cold. "Would you, not only be my wonderful boyfriend, but take the next step and move in with me?" He let go of my hand so I could look at what it was he had given me. I had to stare at it for a few moments before I realized what it was. Unlike the necklace that Roger had given me, that was pill shaped, Roger's own necklace was in the shape of a flat circle. This looked to be the same necklace, only half of it. It was cracked in half like in a sort of yin and yang shape. I looked at Roger to see the other half around his neck. "I-ah- smashed it after you left...it broke in prefect halves, so I thought I would keep it." I put it on. "So... what do you say?" He asked almost breathlessly.

"I have to say...yes," I helped Roger to his feet. "I would love to."

"Great!" Roger grinned that beautifully goofy grin. We embraced again, both thrilled over the idea of our future.

"I missed so much." Roger mumbled right into my ear.

"I missed you too," I held him tighter, burying nose into his neck. I slowly breathed in his scent; it sent a tingle through my body. I pulled away slightly to see his face. We were so close I could feel his breathe on my lips. I was hit with a sudden and overwhelming desire for him. And could almost sense Roger was feeling the same.

"You know, there were a few other things I couldn't stop thinking about besides your eyes?" He whispered.

"Like what?" My anticipation was growing.

"Like your lips..." He said kissing them; It wasn't long before he moved to my neck. "And how soft your skin is..." I felt his hand creep under my shirt and up my back. "And that pale white ass of yours." He laughed to himself.

"Let's go upstairs."

"We've been back together for five minute and you're already reading my mind." He sighed.

And so there we were, in my bed, ripping our clothes off, devouring and touching every piece of skin we could find. But something was diffident... there was a sort of harmony, a sort of completeness that was lacking before. I felt like this was the first time we were truly making love. As we were locked together I looked up into those dazzling green eyes and thought about just how much I loved him. I wasn't even sure how to measure my feelings for him. With all the long hours of the day we spent together? The sunsets we watched together from his window? The midnight conversations we had? The cups of coffee we shared? The moments when our faces were inches apart before we kissed? The moments when we felt like we were miles apart? All the laughter we shared? Or the times we would comfort each in our strife? Maybe it was all of them, or none...

When we were done I never felt more satisfied in my life.

"Love you." Roger moaned again for about the eighteenth time.

"Love you too...again."

"Isn't make up sex the best?"

"It is..." I sighed in bliss.


	26. More Than Happy

**Author's Note**: OHMYGOD! I can't believe this is the last chapter. I actually put off writing this at first because I just didn't want it to end. I'm sad it's over but I'm happy that people seemed to be liking it. Thank you for the reviews I love them. But I must say, I dedicate this last chapter to KissTheBoy7, who was just a little sweetheart and reviewed every one of my chapters. I loved reading them just as much as I enjoy writing this. Well thanks to everyone who liked it, I hope you like the end too (Of course I just had to end it with one of my favourite lines from Rent) I Love you all! ENJOY! :D

Thanks to Maureen and her eccentric way of protesting- basically her alone on stage yelling about things that made no sense- gay couples were welcome at prom. Not to say that there were a lot of them, but still Joanne and Maureen were delighted. Maureen had been dreaming about going to prom since we were together. I was still not a huge fan of dances, but seeing as how Roger thought it might be fun, and Maureen would kill me if I didn't, I decided to go. I didn't make much of a fuss over what I was going to wear, I just went with a simple navy blue suit and a green tie. Roger showed up at my house wearing a black jacket, bright red shirt and leather pants, claiming he hated dress pants. As Roger finally pinned a red rose to my chest- pinning it this time, after stabbing me about three times- my mother come out to say hello. It was very awkward, I could tell she was uncomfortable, but she said I looked good, took our picture and let us go. I was very glad for this; this was the first time she had acknowledged our relationship since she found out about it.

Maureen, who was wearing the world's most fashionable table cloth, a handmade dress Angel made her, had fun teasing me all night because Joanne and I were wearing exactly the same suit. Despite this the whole evening was wonderful. I was amazed to find just how much my feelings had changed about being with Roger in public. We did get some dirty looks whether we were walking down the hall hand and hand, or now as we were dancing. But I truly didn't care. In fact sometimes, when one of Roger's little fan girls would glair at me as I walked by I would find it a bit funny.

I couldn't believe how much my life had changed since the beginning of the year. I had gotten through being bullied, classes, finding new friends, falling in love, acting in a play, having my first boyfriend, having my heart broken, getting it put back together and now finally graduating. My mother was there looking as proud as ever. Before hand I was feeling sorry for Roger thinking that there would be no one there for him, but of course Angel and Collins showed up. They talked to my mother briefly; I couldn't tell if she had warmed up to my soon to be roommates yet. She took the idea of me moving away a little better than I thought. Though I could tell she wasn't all that fond of it, she didn't stand in my way, she knew this was what I wanted.

I knew I was going to miss her and the rest of the gang, I also knew that I was kind of scared seeing as how I had never been to New York City before. Luckily Collins offered to give me a tour when got there. It took more than an hour to say our goodbyes. There were the standard I'll-really-miss-you hugs from Mimi and Joanne, a long heart felt goodbye from my mother, and a far too long, far too over the top sob fest by Maureen. After that was done we set off.

**Six Months Later **

"So let's come back out here and see what Roger's up to." I said into camera walking into our very oversized living room/ kitchen. I pointed it towards Roger who was sitting on the floor and appearing to be having some trouble.

"You do know you're on Christmas break, you don't need to be filming everything?" He called from over his shoulder.

"Yes I do. Now smile for the folks at home." I grinned, he groaned. "He appears to be having some trouble with our Christmas tree." I got a shot of the too small, too slim tree he was trying to decorate. The problem being that it was too feeble to support the bright red blubs and candy canes.

"I wouldn't be having trouble if you'd picked out a better one."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Oh, come on, it's a Charlie Brown tree." He pointed out.

"Well, I like Charlie Brown...everything else looks nice." I looked over the homemade stocking on the walls and the garland on the pipes. I put my camera away and just walking around the room talking it all in. It felt like yesterday the four of us had claimed all those stairs, made it to the top floor, and walked in to the huge empty room for the first time. Everything had just gone up from there. Collins had found a job working at a university, Angel had not found a full time teaching position yet, but was doing odd jobs here and there. In my time off from school I had found work in a small coffee shop. And Roger was pursuing his passion by playing in local bars.

Last week Roger and I, for Hanukkah, had our much anticipated trip back home to see everyone. I stayed with my mother, Roger stayed with Maureen. I had a wonderful time though.

I was saying goodbye to Roger in front of my old house, when she saw me from the window and started to wave franticly.

"Well I guess I need to go now, have fun at Maureen's."

"Okay, say hi to your mom for me. Love you." He gave me a kiss and started to leave.

"Love you too." I waved to him.

When I came into the house my mom was looking at me as if see was in deep thought.

"He really makes you happy doesn't he?"

"Yeah, he really does." I smiled.

"That's nice." That made my day. She didn't make any more comments about him the whole time we I was there, but still, it was the first positive thing she'd said about us. She seemed to be feeling a little better about the whole thing.

More great news came right before we left. Mimi was thinking of moving up to New York as well, to look for work. That was coincidental seeing as how there was now an available apartment right below us. Mimi would consider it, as would Maureen, claiming she couldn't stand losing another one of us, and thus so would Joanne. It was still not set in stone, but we were all really excited about it.

I snapped out of my little flash back as Roger swore loudly, the tree falling over yet again. Wanting to get some fresh air I step out on the fire escape. I found I rather liked it up there, it give a very good view of the city, and made me feel at peace. As I was leaning on the railing gazing outward when Roger come out to join me.

"Tea?" he passed me a mug and stood beside me.

"It's beautiful out tonight isn't it?" I sighed.

"Yeah...Christmas eve, things always seem nicer."

"I can't believe a year went by so fast." Roger took my hand.

"God, your hands are cold." He mumbled.

"Well maybe you'll just have to warm me up."

"Can do." He wrapped his arms around me.

Now I wondered why I had even had doubts about moving in with Roger, things were going so well. Though we did have little fights- we actually did end up having a fight about breakfast cereal- but we resolved them easily. Another pulse was that we got to share a bed most of the time. There was enough space for us to have our own rooms, but we moved back and forth between the two beds every night.

"You know tomorrow's Christmas day?" Roger grinned playfully.

"Yeah, it usually comes after Christmas eve."

"But do you know what that means?"

"We get to try to make a turkey?"

"No, well yes, but no. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the first time we kissed." He planted a small kiss on the tip of my nose. "Tonight reminds me of that night."

"Excepted it was snowing."

"Collins and Angel won't be back for a while, how about we celebrate early."

"We should wait."

"For what?"

"For it to snow."

"Why?"

"It's more romantic."

"Fine." Roger rolled his eyes. I pressed myself tighter to his chest. "Mark?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you happy?"

"What?" That question caught me off guard.

"Are you happy?"

"Happy with what?"

"I don't know, happy with this apartment, with school, with me, with our life..." He trailed off. Our life. He called it _our_ life.

"No." I said honesty "I'm more than happy. I'm over the moon, I'm blessed, to be living in a place like this, to be working on my dream, to have such great friends...to have ever met such a prefect boyfriend...I'm more than happy."

"Good." He was beaming. "I'm more than happy too. I love you Mark."

"I love you too Roger."

I felt something cold on my head and looked up. I smiled wide.

"Roger," I pointed to the sky. He looked up to see the small white flakes falling over the city. I brushed some snow out of his hair. "Kiss me... It's beginning to snow." He kissed me, deeply, trying to duplicate the intensity of his first kiss, the best Christmas gift I ever received.

**The End**


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